• entries
  • comments
  • views

another week with it's own challenges



Just had a couple of sad days, an old friend died, I didn't get invited to a 50th birthday party while some of my friends did,life is not happening in the way I want it to. Nothing major, just the usual small stuff. The sorting out and throwing away is also getting to me. It is so relentless. I hate to see things Ray valued just thrown away but it all has to go eventually, I know that. So much bad news lately, it seems as if the world is less stable than usual.News of illnesses suffered by old friends, cancer etc also destabalizes my world.


I guess it is partly the change of the seasons, my body telling my head that there are worst days to come. I hate the thought of winter but will have to plan some brief get-aways if I can. Maybe four days down at Shirley's place will cheer me up? It is sunny and clear outside, cooler than a week ago so definitely autumn rather than summer. I am loving th warm days and cool nights. Wish it would last. I have a lot of outside work to do and some work still under the house. The "scrappies" are still around a few hours a week. They have taken a lot of metal but that is okay. I know some people would argue that I could have sorted it and sold it myself but I am really not that organised. It is better that it just goes.


The roofer has now started the cabin roof but we had an incident last Saturday. He turned back the canvas and looked under and out popped a possum with a baby. I know in some countries possums are considered vermin but here our marsupial possums are considered valued wildlife so I rang the various animal rescue organisations in the hope they could be relocated. One organisation finally told me that if we caught them they would mind them for a few days until the new roof was on and the place possum-proofed.


The roofer who is a man of a great range of talents, he turned possum hunter, took a lunge at Momma and off she went. My grandson Oliver thought it all a great joke, he located Momma under the eaves of the cabin, cute face peering down at him but she had abandoned baby so the roofer put the canvas back on and that was that for the weekend. The roofer didn't come Monday as he had an emergency at home due to one of his horses getting out but came back yesterday and did some more work, hopefully today will be the end of it, but the way things are going I won't bet on it.


I had my grandchildren here last weekend. I only had them 10 hours Saturday till midnight and the same Sunday. Sunday was my preaching day and a baptism at Messy Church so it was full on for the weekend and Monday I was tired. It takes a lot out of me looking after the three of them. Oh how I wish Ray was the Grandpa he had hoped to be. I will never stop regretting that he was not able to fully participate in their young lives. Oh what a difference that would have made. I am sad they are growing up without their father, grandfather, uncles etc. We all seemed once so close, now we are all scattered.


It is one of the curses of the modern age that everyone moves away, there is no village full of people you knew and grew up with. There are not the family gatherings with Granny's house as a meeting place, no extended family to support you. As a widow I feel the pain of that too. No supportive sister and brothers, no contact with a lot of people who grew up with your husband and can share those precious memories. I hate that feeling of being cut off from the family now they all live at some distance away. Phone calls are not the same. I miss the noise and chat of Lucas's visits, I miss watching Alice grow week by week. I miss the relationship I once had with my other son, and of course I miss my daughter and her family. (Okay, vent over)


One sad thing we found was a cut out doll's house, all ready for those future grand daughter's he knew he would have. Made me think that everyone has those "ideals for the future" and how we , through our circumstances, fail to grasp them.


Am I getting better at the single life? No I don't think so. Like the caregiver's life it is more a kind of resignation, what ever will be will be, rather than a joyful acceptance.


Recommended Comments

Getting slighted - by friends - hurts so bad, believe me i know...... same thing happens all the time to me. yes many times i can't go but i do make a appearence now and then .... but for so long not even a invite -- it just does not occur to anyone i may want to go.... possums are so ugly arghhh - mabey yours and ours are different .... lol though --- it seems we are many , but lonely , since we are all alone...

joyful ? sometimes i feel i will never feel -pure joy again.. i laugh but no real joy- cause joy is just not in my life anymore....i would give anything to laugh so hard i pee my pants - i doubt that will ever happen again ( yes i literally did that once - i was 8 months PG had squatted down to count something and fell back after doing the weeble waddle and plop - i fell - i laughed so hard -....

Link to comment

Bruce had a shed that also had a groundhog tunnel under it. The groundhog passed after a good number of years and the shed got mice, so I told Bruce to take it down. Just as he is getting ready to do that, out pops Momma Skunk and her four babies. Bruce said he could not upset her burrow until the babies were weaned. We enjoyed their company all summer - the babies used to come out when Bruce was grilling - LOL. So cute. One week after the last siting, I got his power drill, took the shed down myself and even recycled the metal. Those days are long over, but your possum story brought back great memories.


I do understand about the clean out and yes, it has to be done. I can only do so much and then just lose it emotionally. So I just put it aside until I am strong enough to do some more.


I am sorry about the distance between you and family/friends and not all of it is in miles. One looks forward to social events, time away and time off. I too enjoy the warm days and cool nights. I pray your autumn is a nice long one. Debbie

Link to comment

Yes, the sad thing is when I am trying to recycle or throw out some of Larry's old things and he says he might use them sometime later. He said this about some material he used for a project demonstration. He will never use it but it is still here. He also said the same thing about his golf clubs saying he might use them again. It is good he is hopeful but also sad too.



Link to comment

Sue, I had one in my trash can one year. I opened the lid and it looked up showing it's teeth. It scared the "you know what" out of me.



Link to comment

Sue, we haded a ratcoon, in the trash can, i screamed so the whole neighbourhood knowen something was wrong!


I am sorry your family is far, and when your so call friends forget about you, that is rough.



Wishing you the best



Link to comment
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.