I keep saying I am going to call the agency and say I'm not happy, please send someone else (or no one at all if possible) but I had another lunch date with a different girlfriend Wednesday (making up for lost time) so I wanted an aide until then at least, for selfish reasons. Friday Ray had a quick podiatrist visit from which we could have got back home in time, but in the meanwhile I got three different tick bites from gardening and raking out back and I know the drill. I made an appt to go to my new doctor Friday too, to get the intense penicillin regime started, accompanied by a scrip for a Lyme test later this month. My doctor was in the morning but I told the agency, and the aide, that it was after Ray's and cancelled her for the day. Such a relief, I really I can't keep going on like this, dreading her visits. But I know my track record with the agency doesn't look too swell either.

I have given the aide a list of a dozen easy things to do. I bought erase pads and swiffers, which I don't usually use, to make it even easier. If I leave cleaning things out, she will get the hint and start doing something when she gets there, but the second I leave she obviously stops and sits back down. She is big on crosswords and watching TV, and is starting to sit on the couch with Ray for a better view, instead of at the kitchen table as in the beginning. She also keeps reminding me she is 74 years old, and that if she bends down, for example to use the dust pan, she might put her back out. How she expects to take care of Ray is a mystery. I don't think she has any in-home experience; she used to work in nursing homes and hospitals, and since that's not really one on one, I don't think she has figured out the concept of how much responsibility she has now. Seems this agency hires people, no training on their end, just put them right to work. If you're certified, fine. They all ask me how the paperwork should get done and so on, I know more than they do!

Meanwhile: Our toilet kept almost backing up after she left. I knew it was her and finally caught her in the bathroom when I got home one day, trying to flush down at least a half roll of paper towels. Luckily the toilet wasn't letting it go down. I told her, as I'd told her before, that we have a cesspool, not sewers as she apparently does. I don't think she believed me. I got rubber gloves and removed it all myself. What annoys me is I sort of knew that was what she was doing, so I had taken all wipes and paper towels out of the room so she only had toilet paper to use...which is Scott, I am really careful about my septic tank! But she went looking in my garage for the paper towels anyway. I showed her that anything except toilet paper goes in a plastic bag and then into the garbage can. Why do I have to explain this to her?

She kept parking on our driveway right behind my car, so that I had to drive on the lawn to get out. I didn't want to go back inside and make her move it, and thereby upset Ray, but I was also afraid I was going to fall into the cesspool one fine day. Then I saw that her car was also leaking oil, big puddles, everywhere she was parking. I was getting my driveway blacktopped so I mentioned the oil, and her reply was, my car doesn't leak oil! It's a second hand car but it's perfect in every way. I finally asked her to park in the street due to me not being able to get out and she is being good about that. Most of the aides and nurses do park in the street, but not all of them, so I will try not to fault her there.

What annoys me most, she basically acts like she is on vacation; a self-starter she is not. The first day towards the end of her shift I had said why don't you take Ray out on the front porch, but he said no. I was really just trying to get rid of her and her mouth, but they can't leave early anymore because they have to phone in from my phone when they arrive and when they leave. A new rule, obviously due to the first aide who was lying about being here without showing up. So I said, why don't you go sit out there yourself til it's time to go, it was only 15 or 20 minutes. She basked in the sun and her brain must have melted, because she came in to call in her hours and I was busy in the kitchen so she let herself out. The NEXT MORNING I see that she hadn't pulled the door shut and it was hanging open by a few inches!! I can't believe the cats didn't escape. I just had all the locks and knobs changed and upgraded, so it's not like they are sticking. I was furious!! Now I make sure to walk her to the front door when she leaves, what else can I do? I know Ray scares her a little with his bratty routine when she arrives, shouting NONONO at the top of his lungs, and I guess I'm full of complaints myself, at least in her eyes. But every time she comes, it's something else.

Another good one. The other day, I was doing yardwork so I said why don't you two come outside to watch? She was happy to get outside and I got her a chair to sit on, some neighbors came over to chat, again a beautiful sunny day. Then Ray wheeled himself towards the garage, where I was, and I knew he had to use the bathroom and quick. So I said to her I'd better get him in there, now. About 20 minutes later she still hadn't come in so I go outside and she's still sitting there, again like she's on vacation. Whoa boy. She's a character.

Anyway in happier news, we borrowed our friend's apartment in Manhattan and celebrated our anniversary in style. Three days of food and touristy attractions, we didn't stop for a minute. Ray holds up really well when we have something fun to do, almost better than me since he's just along for the ride. Then a week later, my birthday, and we spent the day out in the Hamptons and Montauk, checking out the various beaches and eating really fresh seafood at a couple of the best places out there, just before the season goes into full swing. After a winter of our discontent, we're finally getting out and about, and it sure feels good! Ray's birthday this week, but I'm thinking a little more low key and he agrees.