Where is the person who looks after me when I am sick? After all those years as a caregiver that would seem obvious...it's me! Sad but true. I had the family visit end on Thursday, went to a funeral last Friday and woke in the middle of the night with a huge headache and burning up with fever. Plenty of OTC medications about the place so I got dosed up with those that would lower the temp, fix the headache and...nope did not make me go back to sleep. Saturday, so sick, stay down, make up a nest in the lounge room so I can watch tv while I sleep on and off, more medications, Sunday the same. Would it be worth going to the doctor? No, nothing much fixes a virus except for rest and plenty of fluids so no point.

By Monday the chesty cough was driving me mad, the cough medicine no longer helped, old fashioned salt water gargle didn't either. So hit the vitamins and see if that will help, throw in an antihistamine just to see if that makes the nose stop. Aaargh! I'm not going to renew the contract with my fairy godmother, where is she when I need her? Hello...anybody out there?

Tuesday, oh look I can stand up, how nice! Might wash my hair and okay that was tiring. I have to be really careful when I get a virus that it doesn't lead to pneumonia so an assortment of warm clothes on and make sure there is an extra coat by the back door in case I need to go outside. I am so glad I did a big shop on Thursday afternoon as that means there is no need to go out for food for a week if necessary. I have learned a few things on my widow journey. Like if you want someone to rely on look in the mirror, that's her.

Wednesday today and I am starting to feel better. Not good, just better. I managed to go to chat, it is so easy with Sally as my co-host, in fact we did double shift as a new chatter Joni (herdaughter) came on just as we were closing down and we spent some time with her. Thanks for staying on Sally. I still need to line up someone to take my Scripture lesson tomorrow as I shouldn't take the cough into a school. I love those times but I have had to cancel a whole week of activities so far so I guess one more thing won't stop the world from turning.

I am thankful that I am not also trying to take care of a survivor while I am so sick. That is what I did for 13 years, crawled out of bed, set up breakfast for Ray, attended to his needs, set up lunch, supervised, cleaned up, looked after, set up dinner etc. I can remember how bad that felt. Looking after myself is a snap by comparison. But a small part of me still says :"Why isn't there someone to look after me?"

This is a vent, not about life but about circumstances. How do I cope with what comes up? I hope I have enough emergency measures in place that no major crisis happens but we never know do we? Left over from my caring days is an irrational fear that the good times are always followed by bad times. I know it doesn't have to be so but I know it often is. I just have to convince myself that it doesn't matter, somehow I will handle whatever comes along.