My First Blog
Hi. My name is Karen. This is my first blog. My husband, Keith, had a stroke on September 19, 2013 - almost a year ago. I thought by now I would really have a handle on all of this and I don't! In the beginning I was in utter shock - the stroke, the surgery, icu, rehab, coming home and then out-patient therapy and there was no time to really process it all. Everyone is calling and visiting and wanting updates. I was very hopeful. He's young and otherwise healthy - I really thought that by that magic 3-6 month mark - he would be significantly better - maybe even back to work. Then the 6 month mark hit and I realized that the visits and calls have stopped. There really wasn't any news - any good news. I guess people just don't know what to say, especially if they can't really help you. I refuse to give up hope, but he isn't really better and I have never felt more alone.
I don't know how people do this. I feel like I should be coping far better than I am. So many things to worry about all of the sudden and all at once. And the one person that could maybe help me to figure all of this out - can't. This sounds cliche', but I feel like I have lost my best friend, but he's still here. My family and friends mean well, but I don't think they really get it. They throw that word "just" out a lot. "Just sell your house." "Just move in with your family" "Just get a job." "Just find new insurance." Maybe it's just me, but I can't seem to "just" do anything. I feel paralyzed.
I am afraid. I am afraid of losing my husband to another stroke. I am afraid to leave him by himself. I am afraid that my husband won't ever be happy again. I am afraid of going back to work after 18 years at home with no degree. I am afraid of losing my house. I am afraid that I won't be able to take care of us long term. I am afraid that I won't be able to dig myself out of this.
So. Wow. That is a lot of wallowing. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I am tired. I am overwhelmed.
How do people do this?
7 Comments
Recommended Comments