Towards the end of Mum's life in the nursing home she was silent.  She hardly looked at me and certainly could not say my name.  I used to ask myself why I went.  One day a staff member said how lovely it was I visited so often and how much brighter Mum was when I had been.  Who knows what they know and how they think about us?  Bless you for what you do.

I can't remember where I read this story but it went something like this....A man's wife developed Alzheimer's to the point she didn't remember or know her husband any more, yet he came daily to visit.  A staffer asked the man "why do you come so often when she doesn't even remember who you are?"  He replied, "because I remember who she is."

I hope you get your Christmas wish.

Mom will always know you love her even if she doesn't remember your name. Merry Christmas John

You are a good son, and this may be the part where you are the one who knows who she is.   That is an important part of life too.    I wish you some moment of awareness for Christmas, and if not, then at least the knowledge that you were her rock.

It is the best wish for christmas John and I wish it along with you.

I love that story!! You are remembering who she is and that your love for her is so strong is a testimony of who she is. I agree with the others that we can't know for sure but I hope you will notice some small sign that she is aware of you but if you don't, well I am a huge believer in nonverbal communication so I hope there is something. You are awesome to be at her side and on some level I believe she feels that love you bring into the room.  I hope you also will feel the love that is in there waiting for you when you visit her.

I really hope you get it and she will understand I'm sure once she ponders your wants for Christmas!!!  

Take it from someone who just lost my mom on Sept. 26th, but the last year of her life at the age of 71 she mostly stayed home, she was always tired or didn't feel good. Do all  you can do to never feel regrets or remorse. When Mom got sent home on hospice, I lived by that everyday and to this day--I have no remorse or regrets, which is very comforting and peaceful. I wish and pray you would get your Christmas wish!

What Mom knows, understands, and remembers comes and goes. Some days are better than others. I do what I can to get her engaged in some activity every day. I think that is good for her. We also have a lot of laughs sometimes. Life can't be just taking medications and checking vital signs. We cooked together for years. This is one of the ways we bonded. I try to get her involved in the kitchen. Last week we made apple crisp. I had Mom prepare the topping. It was very good. On Tuesday we made chocolate chip cookies. Mom helped measure and stir as much as she could. Yesterday she helped me with some preparation to make a pot of soup. I think she needs to feel like she has a purpose and has accomplished something. I am trying to give her this even though it is difficult at times.

John

John that is awesome! I bet she does feel all of that even if she can't express herself. you know her best so you can trust that you can read her well now. Taking time with her to do things beyond the normal day stuff speaks loud and clear that you love her and want to spend time with her even now when talking is not part of the visit.

I am always happiest when my kids take the time to be with me doing things beyond the "have to" list because those are the times they could be free but they choose to spend time with me which says I love you in the nicest way. We cook too so having food is a huge plus too!

She knows it is you even if she can't say so. Why doubt mother's intuition? or your own?

It may just take time and I have to be patient. Last night I talked to her about where I worked 14 years ago. She remembers where it was and who owned the company. She called me by a nickname that no one else knows.

I know she is improving, but I am aware of it because I am with her all the time. When a doctor talks to her for 2 minutes she may seem confused. The doctors are only getting a snapshot in time and think she is getting worse. I definitely know this is not true.

We have had a tradition for as long as I can remember of having pork and sauerkraut on New Year's Day. She said you have to start the year with something sour. 2 months ago I told her we would have pork and sauerkraut on New Year's Day. She said, "Why would we have that?" Last night I said, "Do you know what we're having on New Year's Day?" She said, "Pork and sauerkraut like we always do."

John