My new parlour trick is to toddle around without walker for short distances inside. And I can walk from car to inside a store holding an arm,but now I can toddle without holding onto anyone. Outside is more difficult because surface changes and a slight incline throws my senses off. I was just like a kid saying"watch this". But I can only go a few steps,like a toddler, and then I need to hold something to steady me and make me get rid of that floating in space feeling. As long as I touch something I feel grounded. I seem to have lost my ability to use my body as the means to experience where I am so as long as I touch something as I go,like trailing,then I am fine. But again few steps as I fatigue or my leg pains me.

 

My PT noted I walk with walker and turn faster so she asked if my dizzines had improved in the last few sessions. I wanted to shout "I Wish" but I patiently explained that I was on a new pain med that worked very well but made me nod,and that the timing of taking it may be a factor in the result that I can move faster with less pain even with dizziness still there. I wonder how she noted it in the Progress notes. Things in regards to pain are not taken seriously. But for me,it is a package deal. Anyway with toddling alone for a few steps,with a focus on a smooth gait, lets me know the ability for this skill is there,if only I could sustain it. It amazes me that I used to run upstairs carrying grocery bags and a big purse. Now the wind might blow me over.

 

Walking down the hospital corridor to PT,I was thinking no one really know how I perceive the world now,and what it is like for me to get to the office. They see me walk and think I am fine. I was once like them briskly walking,carrying a purse,even with the ability to walk and look around which I cannot do now. I sincerely hate every bit of this. I hate celebrating the thrill over small accomplishments too. When I am sitting,I sometimes forget and feel as if I could jump up as agile as a cat and glide across the room. Did I ever? Then I thank my God that I have improved from stroke day,that I live,and pray to be worthy of these blessings. It is complicated.

Source: Balance Issues post stroke!