A big Thank you to the "guests" who came to Caregiver Chat for my retirement party. I have been a Chat Host for eleven years and I am stepping down for many reasons. I am not leaving the site as I will still be the Blog Moderator. I will not be on chat as often but will call in from time to time. I am sure Host Sally will do her usual amazing job and all will be well. There will always be someone there to support you when you need it. To the many people who gave up an hour of the evening to be with me in the Caregiver Chat room tonight, thank you so much, for your kind words, for your support and for all you contribute to this site. Nice to have chatters from the past come back for the event too.

I've picked myself up after the September anniversaries, Father's Day, Ray's birthday and the fourth anniversary of his passing . Funny how those anniversaries still have an impact. I guess they always will to some extent. I know those of you who have lost loved ones will know what I mean and understand. But life goes on and I have to go on with it. Four years since he left, I think about him daily but mostly try to think of the happier memories. I do fail in that from time to time but not all the time now in the main my grief is not as easily triggered, not as immediate and the pain of loss not as strong.

Lots to do with Spring here, I am still clearing in the back corner of the garden so if that brown snake comes into my yard again I should see him. I never go up the back without the metal rake in my hand, I just hope I am quick enough if I ever need to use it. I don't have the abundance of Spring flowers that I have had in years past, the steady rain has slowed growth but I do have some flowering shrubs like azaleas out and my spinach is really growing fast now. Some of the herbs are starting to go to seed but I have some new plantings so should have parsley and mint into summer. I like to have some home grown vegetables and herbs, not the best place to garden so close to the sea as the salty mists do slow down growth to a certain extent.

Planning for the months ahead now, the Christmas party/end-of-year meetings tend to start in November so September/October are the Spring cleaning months and then the busiest part of the year starts when Spring turns to Summer. The temperatures at night are still low at the moment so have to keep all the blankets on the bed but the days are starting to warm up. I am starting to get into the swing of things with the Sunday service I am doing and have had very few mishaps. There always seems to be something funny happening, maybe that is just my perception as everyone else seems to be comfortable with the new service.

On Monday I went with my friend to a waterfront park about forty minutes drive from here and the weather was so lovely, the kind of day you want it to be in Spring. The sky was blue without a cloud and the same blue was reflected in the water of the Brisbane Waters (nothing to do with the capital of Queensland, just named after the same Governor) and there were ducks and ducklings out and about, so good to see them pottering around. We had a good walk along the water's edge and then lunch out and he always drops me home around four o'clock. It is good to have a companion now. It is very different from how it was when I dated as a young woman and we call it "just going out together" so it is not a formal arrangement, just companionship.

My family are all well. My grand daughter from Newcastle has had the same chest cold I had but is over it now and both my daughter's children are looking forward to doing the school holiday stuff like going to the movies and out to the Reptile Park which is their next holiday excursion. My grand daughter Alice in Broken Hill has just been enrolled in learn-to-swim classes and I am looking forward to her telling me all about that, she yells down the phone as she knows I am a long, long way away...lol. The Adelaide grandchildren will be here locally staying with their mother next week so I will see them then. It is always great to see them and how much they have grown in the twelve weeks since i saw them last. They too live a long, long way away. It is sad for me that I cannot go to their concerts etc as I can for the family who live only an hour and a half away.

So life is good when the sun shines and it is possible to go out into the garden and beyond. I do find plenty to keep me busy and keep the enemy "loneliness" at bay. I have enough contact with the outside world for some contentment to be a part of my life. I still struggle with doing so much on my own but know that is the case for so many widows. It is not for nothing we often use the phrase "lonely widow" because being on your own, whatever the reason, can be lonely. But I am getting used to that now. Thank you to all those who have encouraged me on my journey, and thanks for continuing to be supportive of me, it does make a difference.