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Autumn blues


swilkinson

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Just going through a time when life is pretty routine, I often feel that at the end of Summer , start of Autumn (fall) and as we have had a lot of rain I have spent a lot more time indoors than I usually do this time of the year. Which is probably why I am feeling a bit mopey. Since the trip to Hawaii to meet Sarah there hasn't been a lot of excitement in my life. Okay I know that if I want to do anything exciting it is up to me to organise it but once again I am going through a spell where all of my friends seem busy and I feel as if my life is just going around in circles again.

I am lucky to have a few people I can ring but get disappointed that I am always the one doing the contacting. I know that is partly because I am the one who has the time. There is always something to do around here but I still feel lonely some days. With that in mind I am again looking for new things to do, so might go to the heated pool once a week for water aerobics or find some classes. I need to expand my mind again as routine dampens down any thoughts of moving out of my comfort zone.

Autumn always gets me worried, about the long winter ahead, about the short days and long nights and about whether or not I will remain healthy all the way through. Now I am a widow and on my own it is hard to be here alone and sick so now is the time I start to build up a few instant meals in my freezer so that if I do get sick there is plenty to eat without shopping, cooking or a whole lot of fuss. Of course being on my own I get to choose what I cook and what I eat so that is an advantage.

In a quiet week I can recover from the busy weeks I have been having and have finally caught up on my housework again. Always good to see the back of the ironing pile and look out through clean windows. I have a sort of Autumn clean as Spring is far too busy being the beginning of the Christmas season. Autumn cleaning gets those dust bunnies on the run, it helps me locate all of those things I considered lost and helps me review my bags and boxes and drawers. I have just thrown out a lot of paperwork I have held onto for too long and the next decision is how much to bag up clothing I didn't wear through summer this year, or should it be passed on to someone else? I can always take some of it to a charity shop but a lot will turn into cleaning rags.

I had an old friend come and give me a quote on some minor work around the place, small things I can no longer do myself like replacing washers in taps and renewing power points. I have a lot more major jobs that need doing but he is just a home handyman so only does small repairs. I find it scary to embark on bigger projects but it is do that or watch my dear old house crumble. I am still not prepared to move into a retirement village but I know each year that becomes more of an option. I find it tough growing old alone now but don't think my marital status  is going to change in the years ahead.

I had a fall in the shopping centre two days ago, actually more of a case of my feet flying out from under me as I hit a slippery patch, probably a spilled milk drink, and down I went. These days you have to wait for a management person to look you over and tell you when to get up so I sat on the floor for a while. Luckily a friend came and stood by me to keep people moving past so not as embarrassing as it might have been. All I got out of it was a bruised knee and a sore tail but it was a reminder that I am getting more vulnerable to falls now. A cup of coffee with my friend and half an hour of chat made me feel better before I had to drive home again.

Next week will be nursing home visits again so I'll be busy. I wanted to go up to my daughter's for a few days but that is not going to work out this month so I need to plan a break next month before the weather changes and the nights get dark earlier. Again it will take some planing. I also want to go out to see my son and grand daughter at Broken Hill before it gets too cold. I wonder where time goes to sometimes. I know as we age we also slow down but time also seems to go faster and it is always harder to fit in to my life the things I really want to do (as opposed to the things I have to do). I have to remember that phrase: "If it has to be it is up to me."

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You know Sue I get sorta blue every autumn...not necessarily for the same resons but my Doctor calls it SAD (Seasonal Affective Depression) or something like that. For me those short days of light are tough. I try and get out in the sun or open my curtains during the day and I feel somewhat better. It slowly wears away and then spring brings me out of it. I bet though having to be alone a lot is just a bit of a downer...I can only imagine. I'm always happy to see you write and be so supportive on this site. That helps others tremendously and I am sure appreciated so much. Hobbies just aren't the same in the cooler and cold months. I love to get outside and enjoy planting flowers, trimming the shrubs, picking up sticks and fallen limbs even...being out in the sun just feels so good. Know I am thinking about you and hope that you find your autumn and winter pass over as smooth as possible. ?

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Sue :

 

I enjoy reading your blogs. you should think about writing book on your caregivers experiences, they will be priceless for any one who is starting out on their caregiver journey.

 

Asha

 

 

 

 

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