It is a little hard to write this blog for many reasons. One is that I don't have a working computer and am typing this with one finger on a tablet, another is that I am not feeling good about life right now. I went for my four months check up today and by the way the radiologist spoke all is not well. So I go for more tests next week. I just hate it when a medical professional pats my hand and calls me "dear" as that usually means there are problems ahead.
I had a good Christmas with five of my grandchildren together with my daughter, son-in-law, his brother and mother, my fomer daughter-in-law and several others together for what turned into a real feast. I had seen Trevor and Alice a couple of weeks before so although they were not with us they were by no means forgotten. I miss Ray at every family event but I know Craig's mum was also missing her Don so felt somewhat for her too. It was good to be in lively company and enjoy family time.
I think in a way as time goes by I miss Ray more when our families get together. I understand now why some families put out an empty chair at special family events as it felt to me as if there should have been an acknowledgement that the two grandfathers were missing. I think Craig's mum felt that way too. It seems sometimes as if part of me is missing and it makes happiness seem like something that used to happen rather than something that happens now.
Is life still good? Yes it is. My word for this year is NEW and that is because it is NEW every morning, and whatever is happening in my life I want to go on feeling that way. I mean to turn what could seem scary into something exciting. I want to go on enjoying life. Today may have been scary in a way but tomorrow the sky may be blue and good news of some sort may brighten my day.
I don't know how far ahead I can plan life but I still need to make the most of this summer. I have plenty of gardening to do, the elephant still needs painting, and there is so much to do in the house. I have friends to see locally and further afield so I need to go on enjoying what I can. The diagnosis may not be as bad as I am thinking right now. Time to put my Big Girl pants on and keep on going.
I know a lot of people are much worse of than I am and really at 70 I have plenty of good memories to look back on so why am I worrying? I guess because I am human, and will always love life and want to live with health and wellness . But if that is not the next part of the journey so be it.