There's nothing like a good old fashioned snowstorm to make everyone slow down and give you a guilt free opportunity to reflect on things.

My 7 year old is having a mini meltdown because she wants to do something today and we may not be able to do it, so with the freedon of being 7 and thinking she is entitled to her own way, she is mad at the injustice of life. Of course when I tell her that her meltdown and tantrum are unacceptable and to knock it off or she will be in her room for the day, she yells Life isn't fair! I tell her you're right, it is not and you will do better learning that now. But she is like me and she will resist the idea because it doesn't sit well with her. I'm glad she displays that little spark of resisting life " because that is how it is", that attitude will serve her well in the future, I am sure. The spouse gives the kids the idea that daddy will make everything all better and let nothing bad happen. Well that is every parents wish and goal, but it depends on the level of protection. His mother never let him feel emotional pain, never let him feel less then anyone else. He never learned how to exist in reality. His reality came with a bank account and rose colored glasses. Well somehow in the stroke event his rose colored glasses got broke, and poor baby didn't have any coping skills. I see him trying to pass on his legacy of a bank account and rose colored glasses to both kids. I try to balence them out with words of wisdom.

It is times like these when I see how things really are in a harsh light, that I berate myself on what an awful choice I made. But beating ones self up is not allowed for more then 5 minutes because it is the same as having a pity party for oneself. So I feel it deep inside and let go of it. I just tell myself..."patience" Spring isn't that far away.

Then I think, I'm leaving the kids here, I won't be here in the house to counter balence the genetic mistakes raising of the kids. I hope by being in the back yard, I'm not to far away. If I had moved somewhere else, he would have fought me for custody. By staying here, their bedrooms are here in the house I pretty much nixed a custody battle before it started. That has always been his threat to leave and take the kids. So, I hope I am smarter then he is.

Raising kids is alot like stroke recovery, only time will tell.

Pam