Fear Chaos Corona - 2020 (I bet I remember this forever)
Entry posted by HostTracy
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What can I say... So far 2020 has been earth shaking. Let me warn you before reading: these are my thoughts, my experiences, my worries and where I find my mind these days. This is not meant to add to the fear and chaos or to bring a negative light toward anyone. My words come from me and if you are sensitive to hearing someone's honest, transparent and straightforward thoughts then this may not be for you.
I try to remember January. I don't remember what day I heard the news of a novel virus that shut down a large metropolitan city in China. I did ponder the fact but honestly not for long. I had been dealing with my own health issues and problems with illness (more than 1) that has been flaring my asthma. I think I have taken 3 steroid packs since the beginning of the year.
In February, I began to hear more and more about the novel virus now known as the 2019 novel Corona virus and now more the more familiar (name and possible illness) Covid-19 and
SARS-CoV-2. I started to see signs of other countries developing cases and watched the worry of everyone about the virus spread and travel (on planes and those who had been to China). I still didn't feel immanent fear but some time during February this started to affect me more.
Then a F3 tornado slammed through Nashville. It was completely shocking and thankfully I now live about 45 minutes south. This tornado had torn through my old stomping grounds, within 1/4 mile from my previous home, ripping through the area I went to often for my groceries and many of the roads I took on a daily basis. I think maybe a week went by and then Nashville had its 1st case/s of Covid. Very close to home and where all of my Dr's are.
On March 6th I went to my local walk in clinic because I knew I was sick. Flu test, strep test and exam. Tests are negative and I was sent home with a steroid pack and told to use my nebulizer 4x/day for my asthma. Not feeling better I went to my PCP on Monday the 9th. No truly bad symptoms so I was told to continue with my steroid pak and nebulizer treatments. 2 days later I am much worse, heavy persistent cough, headache, sore throat, fever, etc. My PCP said come in and I went to his office in Brentwood. I thought I was to see my Dr. but instead saw a NP who gave me another round of tests for flu and strep. This visit was different than usual... I was immediately isolated and given a mask and everyone that saw me was fully dressed with PPE. I was also given a virus panel test (not Covid test) and a chest x-ray. I was sent home with the same course of treatment and told to self quarantine until I was called with my results. A week later I was told I only had a regular cold virus but it would be best if I continued to self isolate due to being hi risk for serious illness if I developed Covid.
So I hunkered down, stayed at home. Thankfully I had the where with all to go to Costco and Target for things I would need to not run out with. I actually got 1 of the last 4 Kirkland paper towels and the only toilet tissue left was a name brand (im cheap lol I use Kirkland), I got a 5 pack of Lysol wipes, eggs, milk, and a few other necessities. BTW Costco looked like a war zone. I just happened to get there about a day before all he** broke loose. I did find a large pack of toilet paper from Target. The next day every shelf in every store I went to was bare (necessities). I ran out of toilet paper yesterday thankfully I have a pack of baby wipes (don't flush these!). I did manage to get a large bag of Always descreet pads (totally am having leaks with every cough).
The next week I am no better, my nebulizer is mostly not helping and now I have new symptoms a horrible taste in my mouth every time I cough and a cough headache that is sharply painful with pressure at each temple and across my entire head. I feel this acute pain with every cough and a general headache while not coughing. So I called my PCP office. At the same time my phone starts doing this weird thing of not ringing when the Dr. calls but going directly to voice mail. So for about a week of trying to contact someone, anyone I was losing and just getting sicker. Finally, today the nurse used a phone from another office to call me after I frantically had explained my issues sick and dumb phone to a very nice lady involved in deciding if you need a covid test. She and her colleagues had all agreed that it doesn't sound like I need a test but needed immediate attention for what I was going through and she contacted my Dr office with an urgent message. Seems like my neb med was not what I should have been using. She sent the stronger prescription today. Let's see how it goes.
I've been watching the updates to this pandemic daily. I know I am "high risk" (asthma, high blood pressure, diabetes, and just that I have had a stroke). I sit and watch as stores close, schools close, supplies become scarce, other cities desperate for help and supplies. I feel like doom is coming and I have 0 ability to control it. I also watch political leaders in my own country (including the president) squabble and stumble to be the one with the "right" message for American citizens. My question is where do politics even fit into this reality. It sickens me and I do not feel positive or safe about any of their attempts to "lead". We are being told "We are all in this together" but I just don't feel it. I feel like the truth of this "thing" is teetering and could fall at any time and we have no idea what that means.
So I am trying to rest and feel better, use my new neb med and watch all the Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, Disney+ and whatever else I can find to keep my mind busy. I'm looking forward to hopefully feeling better soon and feeling like doing projects around the house. I want to plan more "normal" activities and take this time at home to make improvements. To feel active, to be able to enjoy the birds at my bird feeder, watch flowers do their colorful dance and make projects happen around the house inside or out that I have been wanting to do for a while.
I pray for everyone's safety and please take care of yourselves.
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