LAST NIGHT, I HAD MY FIRST SLEEP TEST. THE HOSPITAL IS AN HOUR AWAY, SO MY WIFE AND I DECIDED TO DO SOME SHOPPING (OK, I WATCHED), AND GO OUT TO DINNER. AT 8:15, WE ARRIVED AT THE EMERGENCY ROOM WHERE WE WAITED FOR THE EVENING'S FESTIVITIES. THERE WAS A LARGE FAMILY, ALL ADULTS, THERE (12) WITH A VERY SICK BABY. AS WE SAT THERE, ONE OF THE GROUP RETURNED WITH FIVE BOXES OF PIZZA. THEY HAD A PARTY WHILE THE BABY SUFFERED. GOD FORBID THEY MISS A PIECE OF SAUSAGE.

THERE WERE 4 OF US SCHEDULED AND ONLY 2 SHOWED UP FOR THE TEST. SO RATHER THAN MY WIFE SLEEPING ON A CHAIR IN MY ROOM, THEY GAVE HER ONE OF THE SPARE ROOMS TO SLEEP IN. JENNIFER EXPLAINED ABOUT THE TEST AND PROCEEDED TO WIRE ME UP FROM HEAD TO FOOT. I COULD HAVE TALKED TO THE SPACE SHUTTLE.

I GOT INTO BED AND TRIED TO GET COMFORTABLE. I DECIDED FIRST TO WATCH TV. ABOUT TEN, I DECIDED I WAS PAYING TO SLEEP, SO I TRIED. I FINALLY DOZED OFF AND AWOKE REFRESHED. GEE I THOUGHT I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT, ONLY TO DISCOVER IT WAS MIDNIGHT. AFTER SHE UNHOOKED 2 CABLES, I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM ALL WIRED UP. MY AIM HAD TO BE PRECISE, OR I COULD ELECTICUTE MYSELF.

SHE ASKED ME TO FALL ASLEEP ON MY BACK. I TRIED FOR I5 MINUTES TO NO AVAIL. AFTER 20 MINUTES MORE OF FRUSTRATION, I BURIED MY NOSE IN THE PILLOW AGAIN, AND FELL ASLEEP. SHE ALSO MONITORED MY ON AN INFRARED CAMERA.

AT 4:30 AM, I WOKE UP AGAIN, AND SINCE THE TEST WOULD BE ENDING AT 5, I GOT DRESSED, WOKE MY WIFE UP (OH GOD!!!), AND WE WENT OUT FOR BREAKFAST. THEN WE TOOK A SLOW RIDE UP TO SEE THE GRANDKIDS. AS I SIT HERE, I'M SO TIRED I COULD SLEEP AT LEAST A GOOD HOUR AND A HALF.

I GO BACK NEXT FRIDAY IF THE TEST SHOWS ANY INDICATION OF SLEEP APNEA. I GET A FULL REVIEW BY THE NEUROLOGIST JULY 19. AT THAT TIME I WILL POST ANY INTERESTING FACTS I FIND ON THE "MAIN BOARD".

BIG YAWN,

MARTY