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No One Understands


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I need a break. I have been making 2 trips every day to Bayshore to see Lisa. During my lunch hour and after work. It takes an hour and a half to get down there, stay for lunch, and return back. I am now getting flack for being gone that long for lunch. Then, after work, I am there for dinner and stay until Lisa gets ready for bed, about 2 1/2 hours. EVERY DAY! Well, almost every day, occasionally I will go play golf at night, but either I call her or she calls me and I feel terrible for not being with her.

 

Last night, I was not in a very good mood. Work has been crazy and I have been alone quite alot this week. Both the kids have things to do. I am really tired. I told Lisa that just one day I would like to get off work and go home. Just veg and take care of myself. She turns it into I don't want to come down and see her. WTF!

I can not make her understand I need time to myself sometimes. She says, You have time to yourself every night. What, the 3 hours I have before I go to bed? If you take out the time I'm sleeping, I'm at Bayshore more than I'm home. I'm actually getting *beep* right now as I type this. Can't anyone other than me see this? One day, one frigging day is all I ask. It may sound selfish, and frankly, I don't care right now.

 

Other than that, Lisa is my hero and is doing an amazing job in PT. She has been able to walk the parallel bars for about 30 minutes with little assistance, riding a bike for 20 minutes, and leg pressing 140 lbs. They told us she would never walk again. She has also been doing standing transfers which,IMO, is huge. I will make it alot easier on us. Her birthday went well even though I was not there for the party. With I have heard about repeatedly. Saturday, we are going to dinner with a couple of her friends and we have hair appointments. She is looking forward to it.

 

Butch

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Butch,

 

I did two and three trips a day to the hospital/nursing home/rehab for three months when my husband had his stroke, and another four months of running him back and forth to out-patient four times a day. I truly do understand what you are feeling. Everyone and every thing is focused on the survivor and it feels like you are being lost in the shuffle, like no one understands the terrible stress you are under trying to keep all the balls in the air that two people used to do before.

 

Is there anyone at all who can take a couple of your shifts at lunch time? Liza's mom or a friend? Is she safe to eat by herself, if you have no one to sit in? I'm sure she doesn't mean to put a guilt trip on you about needing a break, so you have to toughen up to it and do what is ultimately best for both of you. She will come to understand as she gets better. My husband and I have talked about a lot of the things that happened in that first year. A lot he doesn't remember and other things that stressed me out terribly he's come to understand that I had no other choice. The pain of all this dissipate eventually. Hang on and get some respite built in no matter what anyone else thinks.

 

Jean

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Butch, perhaps you can explain to Lisa that you need a little time now, so that you will be better rested for when she comes home. If it's hard now, figure what it will be later. True you won't have the trips but there are a million other things you will have to do. It's not that when that time comes your "job" as caregiver is over. Maybe she would understand if you put it this way. What would happen if you got sick too? Who would the two of you have then? At least one day a week.........
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