ABSOLUTE HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!
YESTERDAY, THE DRAINS WERE MAKING A GURGLING NOISE WHICH MEANT THE SEPTIC TANK NEEDED ATTENTION. IT WAS CLEANED IN APRIL, SO THERE HAD TO BE ANOTHER PROBLEM. WIFEY GOES NUTS THINKING WE HAD TO TEAR UP THE YARD AND PUT A NEW ONE IN FOR $25,000. THE SEPTIC PEOPLE SHOW UP AND TELL MY WIFE WE HAVE A PROBLEM. WIFEY HITS THE ROOF BEFORE THE PEOPLE TELL US WHAT'S WRONG. THE PUMP FLOAT AND PLUG ARE BAD AND CAN BE FIXED FOR UNDER $100. WIFEY STARTS BREATHING AGAIN. MORAL: IF THE SH** DON'T FLOAT OVER, DON'T GET EXCITED.
REALTOR BRINGS OVER RIDICULOUS OFFER FOR OUR HOUSE. WIFEY SEES RED. WE COUNTER, THEY COUNTER, WE COUNTER AND WE'RE STILL WAITING TO HEAR. REALTOR GETS UPSET BECAUSE WE WON'T TAKE THE OFFER SO SHE CAN MAKE NICE COMMISSION. WIFEY PUTS HER IN HER PLACE. I HAVE A CONTENT WIFE AND AN ANGRY REALTOR. MORAL: NEVER SLEEP WITH YOUR REALTOR.
AT 4:30, THE MAIL CAME AND SHOWED ME OWING $5500 TO THE DOCTORS BECAUSE THEY NEGLECTED TO SEND IN THE CORRECT FORMS TO MEDICARE. NATURALLY, THE OFFICE WAS CLOSED WHEN I CALLED IN, SO I HAVE TO RESOLVE THIS TOMORROW. WIFEY GOES BALLISTICS AND I HIDE UNDER THE BED WITH THE CAT. MORAL: ALWAYS BE NICE TO YOUR CAT.
WIFEY WILL BE UP ALL NIGHT WORRYING NEEDLESSLY AGAIN. ME? I'LL BE HOOKED UP TO MY CPAP MACHINE SNOOZING AWAY.
END OF TALES OF WOE.
MARTY
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