I am inclined to put on a happy face even when I don't feel like it, it is part of my upbringing. So I am not the best person to give advice on dealing with reality. Most of my friends probably don't now what a battle life is from day to day, I don't tell them! So they think that dear Sue, with her smiley face and jokey manner is coping. And I am not about to tell them otherwise.

I have from time to time however wanted "my old life back". It is a common theme here and one that often verges on fantasy. I know I will never get "my old life back", nor will Ray or the majority of the caregivers and survivors here. I have also learned from my days in Lifeline that most people know what the answer to their questions are, they just don't want to face up to reality. They want someone else to make their lives worthwhile and if it all goes wrong, someone to blame. Me too. But in six years post-stroke I know what a lot of others are going through and wish I could save them some of the heart-ache they are going through right now. I know that this is a great place for all of us to share our experience.

Think back to the time of your/your survivor's stroke. IF you had got to the ER in three hours, IF you had got the magic pill, IF you got the right combination of medication, therapy, exercise and medical advice, IF all this happened you MAY have gone back to a reasonable proximity of where you were. You would be older, wiser, a little more traumatised but ready to have your "old life back".

BUT that never happened. So you struggled with the illness, the therapy, the exercise, got some of it back and GUESS WHAT?? You are a better, stronger, braver person. A little bitter and twisted, a little worse for wear but infinitely more compassionate, wiser and stronger. And if the world doesn't see that?? Their loss. We who gain Our experience by sharing YOUR struggles, do see it.

The only way I would ever "get my old life back" is if I abandoned Ray, if I turned my back on my marriage and my family. Because I don't see them as being happy with me if I turned my back on their Dad. I could gain some kind of "freedom" but look at what I could lose, my kids, my grandkids, some of our friends who would have to choose sides. We would probably split our assets, but you can't split the family right down the middle!

Ray would finish up living in a care facility of some kind. I might be able to make a "new start" but at what a great cost. No more family gatherings, no grandchildren visits, no visits from Ray's strange cousins, no "home" this one would have to be sold and the money shared. Ray and I would then have separate lives, but not at that kind of cost.

I don't know why I am thinking this way. It must have been something someone said, or maybe one of the posts I read.

It all looks like a nightmare situation to me. Much worse than the one Ray and I are in now. At least we are in this together, with the backing of family and friends.