We just went away for five days' holiday, a coach tour to a town about three hours drive from here. It is part of the biggest horse breeding area outside of Kentucky. The day tours were centred on horses but included historical homesteads and places where breeding horses for racing first started in that area and we visited the most fabulous stud full of the loveliest horses imaginable. I am not a horse rider but have been involved in the racing industry a long time ago and the sight of those brilliant creatures was like a glass of champagne for the soul.

Four out of five days were pretty good. As other caregivers of wheelchair bound partners will testify nowhere apart from home is easy, the further from home the harder it is to get around. The local government area we were in seemed to have gone to no trouble to comply with the disabled persons guidelines so none of the places we visited had ramps, wider doors, proper disabled toilets etc.

The motel we stayed in, at my request,did install a flexible hosed shower head but that was their only concession. I still had to haul Ray's wheelchair up steps to the dining area, moving chairs and tables out of my way as I went. If you go on holidays here you have to do a lot of that. Most establishments aren't upset by this, just a bit surprised that you would be bothered to take a disabled person on holidays with you. It's not deliberate negligence, just apathy that stops them from complying with the guidelines.

So I hauled Ray through foot long grass, up muddy driveways, up sets of steps, around the backs of buildings when I couldn't get him into the front door with everyone else. As usual I cut up his food so small it was hard to see what it actually started out as. I supervised his showers, medications etc, I did all the things I usually do at home apart from cooking meals and answering the phone, but I still enjoyed the first four days.

But this morning I did not check to see that he put on his incontinence "underwear" with his other clothes, the first inkling that he did not was when he went into a toilet and didn't come out for 20 minutes. Then I could see he had made some attempt to clean himself up but he was a real mess. We were in the middle of a forest at the time, not a water supply in sight so I "wrapped" him up as well as I could and got back on the bus. I cleaned him up at our next stop after requesting his suitcase from the driver. I am hoping the obvious mess didn't distress the other passengers and spoil their holiday.

Who's problem is it when something goes wrong? The caregiver's, for not supervising every waking moment of her survivor's life? The survivor's, for not accepting the fact that he/she needs incontinence aids, and special equipment etc to live a life as close to the "norm" as possible? The rest of the community for not raising standards so that a person with or without a disability can enjoy the beauties of nature without discomfort and embarrassment?

I know who felt it was their problem - me.