I bumped into the husband of an old friend of mine today. *J* and I belonged to a couple of the same groups but didn't become friends till we did a twenty week course together. For a while we were as close as sisters. Then we saw each other at least twice a week. After that we saw each other intermittently. Somewhere during this time her husband got transferred to the same work place. During a conversation he told me *J* had cancer and asked if I would like to join her caretaker network. This was a new idea to me so I said "yes". Roughly it meant I called in once a week and sat with her for about an hour while she did whatever. Sometimes I made us coffee and we just chatted, sometimes I brought my lunch.

As *J*s cancer progressed her husband took leave from work to take care of her, firstly working three days a week and then using leave without pay (one of the advantages of being a public servant) up till the time of her death. I still went there when I could and he would pop out to the shops or do some gardening while I sat beside her bed. Eventually she died but only with a couple of weeks in hospital. I went to her funeral and went on holidays. Ray had the strokes and I never went back. I hadn't seen *M* since then.

It is strange to see someone you have shared part of life's journey with in an unexpected setting, there we were standing side by side weighing fruit in the greengrocers down the road. He was a bit surprised to see me there and asked that question we all ask while we catch our breath: "So what are you doing with yourself now?"

I gave him the short version, Ray had major strokes in 1999 etc. I think I was surprised that he didn't know about that or wondered why I hadn't been at work (?) but possibly by the time he got back from leave other things had happened. I wasn't surprised that he had remarried as *J* died 7 years ago but was surprised to know that his family hardly sees him now and he rarely visits them. At the time of *J*'s death they seemed like a close knit loving family. But obviously there are other untold stories there.

So why am I writing bout this? Because today we had yet another "church closing meeting". We have to have these meetings because there are loose ends to tie up, people to return donated goods and memorials too (otherwise they will gather dust in storage or be piled in a corner somewhere) and the afternoon tea to plan etc. With each meeting our little group grows sadder and sadder as we contemplate the "splitting up" of our little church family. I am trying to picture the shape of life after that. How long before I lose touch with the network of friends I have built up over many years as we all go our separate ways?

And at the same time the caregiver side of me looks ahead to a future without Ray, without the life we live now. I do take one day at a time but the future hovers there beckoning me forward. But like a mirage what I imagine is probably far different from the true image. I really hope that is the case.