What a day yesterday was . I couldn't believe I was not in the middle of a nightmare most of the time. There was a lovely blue sky when we woke up and it seemed like a really good day. I packed up all the things for church, got into the van feeling I had forgotten something. Lunch. Went back inside and got some sandwiches made and defrosted some cake. Ready, set, off we go.

Got down the driveway across the road and went to put it into gear, nothing. Motor running, wheels not moving. Van full width of the road and nothing happening.The sound of mother revving on the road woke our son who came down to see what the fuss was. I hopped out , he hopped in, moved the stick, rocked the car, still nothing.

He dipped the transmission gearbox, dry as a bone. Ah Ha! more fluid needed. He poured it in, it poured out underneath. Damn. By now it was church time and all those things I do each week were running through my head. He rigged up a bottle of oil, dripping into where the dipstick came out of and managed to move the van off the road and parallel to the curve. Thank goodness for that.

Our one choice now was the old van belonging to our other son known as the "Green Treefrog" (long story) so I moved Ray, the lunch, the paperwork etc into that and set off. Boy what a journey. I had to drive it with one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake, we clattered and banged through the Sunday traffic but luckily no sirens behind.

Got to church half-way through the service and after a short spell to catch my breath carried on as usual. The meeting that followed the service was an important one, the last before the closing of the church. I am the President so had all my paperwork prepared but it all went pear-shaped, nothing I had prepared was right, figures out, letters disallowed, a real Devil's playground. Won't say any more , don't want to spoil your views of Christianity, suffice to say we all finished up in tears, well the female half anyway. No way you can close a church without a lot of grief.

Got back to the quiet haven called home and my sister and brother-in-law were there. They had been out for a nice lunch and were now at my place for afternoon tea. Of course my BIL complained that the scones were stale. And as he hadn't brought anything he should have been grateful for just something to eat.

Then my sister said she knew I was stressed and from their point of view I should give up visiting Mum. That would solve the problem. Mum doesn't know me, doesn't remember the visits so why was I bothering to go? I'll leave you to ponder that one. BUT I made that choice a long time ago and nothing will stop me visiting my dear old Mum whom I love dearly. What does it matter that she doesn't know I've been there? I know I've been there and spent some time with her.

There was one more thing, Ray was upset at dinnertime and the inevitable happened. I had had enough by then. I was totally frustrated with a day that went wrong from beginning to end. And the day before my washing machine had broken down, a bit fell of the motor, no repairing that it seems. So anything that had to be washed would have to be washed by hand.

Today I had our friendly door-to-door mechanic here, he confirmed that there was little I could do with my van without incurring great expense. He tuned the "Treefrog" up so it sounds okay so I will drive that for a while while I look for another small car, possibly a hatchback that I can lift Ray's wheelchair into.

While the mechanic was here the social worker from Stroke Ed rang up to say that she had the results of our "Are you depressed?" survey. Ray scored 45%, I scored 50%. Don't worry she said, we don't take any account of scores under 70%!!

So now you know why I am half-depressed, half-distressed and totally frustrated.