As we say here "DENIAL" is not just a river in Egypt.

Of course there is nothing wrong with Rob, Ray thinks the same. To appease themselves they put the blame on us.

Hugs coming your way. :friends: :friends: :friends:

Sue.

Karen

depending on where his stroke was, Rob might not have the cognitive capacity to realize that he's changed, and needs to be slowly and patiently taught to understand his difficulties. being his partner, you are not the person that he would be willing to listen to. this is where cognitive rehab comes in. since he has been attending a cognitive rehab day treatment program, John is so much more willing to understand and accept his deficits and work on overcoming them.

you can pm me antime to ask any uestion that you have concerning John's cognitive rehab, or my cognitive rehab

sandy

Karen,

I'll second what Sandy said. As a survivor that was incapable of dealing with these types of cognitive issues, it all must be relearned again. My X thought as you did, my X never took on board that I had lost all filters that we have naturally in place, or even considered that I had lost the ability to reason and overcome certion deficits. The survivor's first impulse is to think they are still like they once were. It's a hard concept to overcome, we remember how things used to be, know we once could handle any emotional issue, but what we fail to understand and take into consideration is the ability to act and think along thjose lines has been destroyed. It takes awhile for it to sink into the survivors head that things are completely different. After having a stroke, survivors no longer can be judged by the standards of what once was or by a whole person or societies standards. Now this may sound like a pat answer to the issue at hand, but it is a valid issue that is hard for both sides to understand and the harsh reality is that most survivors cannot help it, the ability is lost until new roads and pathways are formed.

Pam

Thanks ladies!

Thinking about this, I realized that Rob doesn't even recognize his cognitive gains since his stroke. Which have been tremendous.

When he sees me struggling emotionally, and knows I'm seeking professional help, he responds kind of numb to it. How do I know the line between what he cannot do, versus what is a part of the grief process for him?

Seems the most important thing for me is to accept that he isn't the same person he was on August 12, 2005.

The caregiver bill of rights - from the stroke foundations states that a survivor needs to be treated by their caregiver like they are going to recover completely; while the letter from your brain states "I need you to accept me as I am today... not for what I used to be, or what I might be in the future".

Karen,

Both The caregivers bill of rights and letter from your brain are both right in a sense. It becomes a paradox and confusing, the lines are all blurred. I think you raise a very good question and I'm not sure I can give you a very good answer.

My suggestion would be to take what they both say, use those as your parameters and learn to operate within those boundries. I think it has to be looked at by a case by case basis as each of us is different.

Stroke recovery is alot of "winging it" and many times due to the nature of the beast there aren't any hard and fast rules. Sadly, no silver magic bullet. Cognitive issues are more complicated as they are invisable to the naked eye and they don't appear as often as a physical deficit. I found the only way I overcame many of my cognitive deficits was to focus on one at a time and remind myself what I had to do in order to learn proper responses again. But I know I still haven't gone back to 100% cognitively yet. My impulse control is better but not great. My memory still resembles swiss cheese. My emotional reactions are still way to trigger happy but I am better then I used to be. So I justify the goal as not 100% which I don't know if it is realistic, but I think what I have now I can somewhat peacefully co-exist in society without Pi**ing too many people off, so if more comes back, I consider that a bonus. That is how I see my stroke recovery.

Pam