Two out of three days gone already. Ray went off to Camp Breakaway on Tuesday morning and I waved him goodbye thinking about all I would get done while he was away. Well, fortunately I came to my senses. This is MY time, not time to catch up on housework, cooking, cleaning or sewing. This is my time to do the things I want to do, right?

Big problem. If someone asks me: "What do you WANT to do Sue?" I don't really know what to say. After all for the last seven years I have mostly just done what needs to be done. On the three day breaks I have mostly just gone on with the regular routine. This was important in some ways as things get to be done on certain days here, so if I miss a day or two chaos reigns. BUT looking around I can't see that working flat out for three days on the house and garden is going to give me a lot of satisfaction.

So I sat down and thought. What do I really miss after seven years of looking after Ray? And the answer that came to me was - girlfriends. :cheer: Now this seems silly for a woman heading for sixty, right? No, not really. Girlfriends are the support group most of us draw our wisdom, perception and often our sense of perspective from. Girlfriends are peers. Girlfriends have gone through puberty, marriage, birth of children (sometimes) divorce (sometimes) and menopause with us. They have fed and deflated our ego as the need arose. They have been there when the males in our life deserted or went away or collapsed under the strain of life.

So I rang a few of my women friends. Only three were available to meet in the three days so I thought that was okay. They were a starting point. So yesterday I had lunch with one, a widow, a good friend with her husband of Ray and I when Ray had his major strokes. Her husband has since died but with people like him loved once is loved always. So gone but a long way from forgotten. We had a delightful lunch and an afternoon of chat. I left there reluctantly. She had to go see her step-father who she is now caring for in his own home so off she went to do that.

I went on to my sister's place. She was delighted to see me, her husband was away at a seminar and would not be home till late so she insisted I stay. Just as well I threw a little overnight bag into the car eh? So we had our dinner on trays on our knees in front of her wood stove, magged, drank pots of tea, ate chocolate biscuits. We chat more now than we used to. If the topic gets a bit heated I just let my mind drift for a while. I have learned not to buy into an argument. Why bother?

I stayed at my sister's until an early lunch today and then came on home. It was a beautiful early winter's day today, traffic flowing and my little car going well. Good to be home and find there wasn't anything untoward happening. Checked the emails, message boards etc, replied to a couple, spent some time looking at all your blogs. I felt lazy so thought I should at least do a little housework. It has got cold today and promises on the weather reports of snow in the Southern Alps so a good time to look out the winter wear so I did that. OH dear, maybe I will just buy a couple of new things tomorrow to supplement my wardrobe, well maybe just one little top, a scarf, a little bit of colour to give winter jackets a lift?

Girlfriend NO 2 went out to dinner with me tonight, she is a younger widow and has a fascinating family history. She has four sons who are all grown up but they too have tangled lives and the conversation was anything but boring. She and I are both of the "wisdom born of pain" philosophy way of thinking. She has had health problems, marriage problems, family problems but has come through it all with a great sense of humour. How good it is to laugh!! Very good company, good food, great evening.

Tomorrow I am meeting friend NO 3 for lunch. Should be good fun too. Very different personality from mine but opposites sometimes do attract. So looking forward to that as well.

How much difference it makes to just be ME. Sue without Ray. I love him heaps but caring for him is stifling both of us. I overdo the care I know, but how to tell how much is too much? But what a wonderful relief it is sometimes to just be myself, thinking my own thoughts, just doing what I want to do. But there is only one day of that left now.