Phyllis-funny you should post this. Hubby and I were discussing this the other night as my BIL is dying of lung & brain cancer. They have called in Hospice for him. He went thru all the "guninea pig" methods out for the cancer for the past year or so which made him bald, his teeth fall out and bloat up like a turkey. He can't stand, his head is 3 times it's size, he doesn't know us sometimes, he's losing his bowels, etc. What quality of life is this?

We decided forget the heroics. I'm not taking stuff that's going to make me sicker than the problem. I want to live my life as I please, get things in order and plan my own funeral. As far as I'm concerned my BIL died 6 mos. ago.

Phyllis,

When my father found out he had lung cancer, the doctor gave us all the treatments options or the option to do no treatments at all. Thankfully, the day that this conversation took place my dad's mind was working great. He asked the doctor if he decided on no treatments could the doctor guarantee that he would suffer no pain. The doctor say, yes, he could. The doctor kept his word and dad never suffered, even at the end. The time between the day Dad chose no treatment and the day he died was seven months and as a family we packed in as much memory building stuff as we could and dad remained in his own home for all but the last few weeks when I broke my elbow and could no longer care for him. When my time comes, I want to go with as much grace and acceptance as my dad did.

Jean

I would my life as I pleased - within reason, not doing anything to make the situation worse - hopefully having some resources to go somewhere I've always wanted to go....

I know that I would spend one whole day in a movie theatre, seeing movie after movie....that was my first job and a love of movies and the old-fashioned theatres has stayed with me

Then after being selfish for those few days, I would do whatever my daughter wanted to do for the rest of the time.......

This is an awful part of life, we must all face -

Some people are having DNR put on their charts, if they get cancer or severe strokes

Good Luck in your decisions

June :cheer:

I'm a stroke survivor, and this brings up a descision I've made.

My father died of liver cancer, metastised (sp ?) from bowel cancer (that they removed successfully). When he was originally diagnosed we all thought the worst, that he would retire into a shell and shut us all out. He surprised us all, conducting his life with stoicsm - "grace and acceptance" as Jean put it - without treatment apart from some pain relief, until he thought enough was enough and asked to be put in palliative care for a week until he passed away.

I would follow my fathers example, live life without medical intervention, and quietly pass away ....

And if I suffer anything which renders me "dead", including brain dead, yes, I have left instructions to "Do Not Resuscitate".

Craig.

As I have done some work with the dying as part of my Clinical Pastoral Care I would say that a lot of people feel like Craig. Unfortunately when whoever is in charge of us at the time calls in the paramedics we are not usually able to make the choice, it is made for us. Then the choice is not whether we go onto life support but when we come off. And left to a family there will always be some for and some against the decision.

So make your wishes known. Discuss whether or not to use pain killers, feeding tubes, chemotherapy, drug regimens. Tell your family exactly where you stand on options such as further rehabilitation, organ transplants, artificial hearts etc. Discuss nursing home care v palliative care.

In my experience the wishes of the patient are seldom followed once they get hospitalized as those who surround them often think they instinctively "know" what dear old Mum or Dad would have wanted. And the medical staff is out to "save" the patient.

And Phyllis a lot of the last three months for me would be spent with my family unless I thought doing so would distress them too much.

Sue.

This is a very, tough call as even though we have expressed our wishes for the end, "sometimes" people feel they know better, and put their wishes into action -

Pkease write, again

June, from CT