"Spring, Spring,

the bird is on the wing!

How absurd,

I thought the wing was on the bird!"

If I knew who wrote that piece of nonsense verse I would give them credit for it. It is just one of the many attachments in my memory to the word Spring.

It is officially the first day of Spring today. It is going to be warm and sunny the weather forecasters tell us. It may go back to being wet, cold and miserable by the end of the weekend, but today is going to be fine and sunny. Which is just as well as Sunday is Fathers Day and a lot of people plan family picnics and outdoor BBQs to honour "the old Bloke" who fathered and/or raised them.

Shirley asked what she should get her Dad for Fathers Day? I don't have any answers. Once they would have given him clothes, tools, books, photos of the kids, and the traditional ones, undies and socks. If they get gift certificates I am the one who has to make the decisions about what to do with them so I am happier if they decide on something themselves. Ray is not the man with everything so it is not hard to buy something for him. But something that will bring him joy and a smile to his face? I don't know.

The tests have been done and I have to go to the local doctor to get results, maybe on Tuesday. Today Ray will be back from Camp Breakaway about 10.30am and I have a yard to put back into some kind of order after the workmen finished the carport yesterday. I need some run around space for the littlies on Sunday.

And to top off our woes we go onto level four water restrictions today so no watering potplants. I have my tank water so will use that under cover of darkness and try not to feel guilty. But there will be no lovely annuals blooming until the rain starts filling the catchment dam up and restrictions are lifted. And gardening is one of my most fulfilling hobbies. (Ok Jean, this is a difficulty not a disaster but I do love my flowers.)

I have been rethinking the "putting Ray into temporary care" for November, the more I think about it the less I want to do it. I know I need the break, even this three day break is like Heaven to me, but I don't want him to go downhill because I have imposed what I want above what he needs. And I know well what brings him happiness. A cup of morning tea and a piece of cake sitting on the verandah gazing at "his" view. The most cheerful expressions on his face of late have been when he is doing that. Even seeing the family or going out for the day is secondary to his need to just sit there in the landscape he loves.

I have been reading a lot lately, on stroke support sites, in medical journals about strokes and there is one big grey area in all the reporting. No-one mentions the loneliness of the stroke survivor or of the caregiver. It is not just the "alone and unsupported" feelings that happen when former friends vanish, when no-one is near to help with a lift or soothe your heart when another appalling event occurs. It is the loneliness of making empty decisions and planning a future that heads more towards the nursing home and less towards the trip to the latest Resort. I don't know what the beautiful people are doing but the rest of us seem to do lot of laundry!

And so the days will go on much like before. The round of doctors' appointments and the medical stuff is a part of our routine and takes up the majority of our "free" time. The family will come and go as they usually do. We will go to church and local events. And then, before we know it is will be the pre-Christmas rush, our Sydney family moving to wherever they have been posted (pray that it is close enough for us to visit without the journey upsetting Ray) and all the other things that summer brings.

Summer heat, flies, heat waves, bush fires, BBQs, the beach on hot days, humidity, sleepless nights of tossing and turning, trying to keep cool. The days of wine and roses it isn't. But each season is to be treasured. I loved last summer, when we managed to get to the beach with the little ones and even Ray got to be in the water a few times. So I will look past the dark moments as they arise, to brighter days ahead.