Girl Talk here
Entry posted by givincare
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I would like to personally say thank you to Robin and Trina for responding to my very drepressed blog entry shortly after my birthday. It DID help. I had to delete it though- I just couldn't handle looking at my own irrational feelings. I wasn't able to face them.
I have always been a stiff upper lip kinda girl. I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe I developed it in elementary school when I had such a hard time fitting in. I don't often remember those early years with much happiness.
At any rate, I think I learned to just suck it up and pretend that things didnt bother me. It's a trait I inherrited from my father, I am sure. We both have a tendancy to be very stoic, and so when we fall apart...it scares everyone- including us.
The month of September was not a fun one this year. I usually really love it- the change of season, my birthday, Brandon's birthday- I even like the way the word sounds: September. It's pretty to me. But this past one stunk. Brandon was grounded the whole month. My birthday was recognized, but I was too tired to enjoy it as I had come off a hard stretch with 4 hours sleep the night before.
Then, my boss got really mad at me when I had told the truth when confronted by the BIG boss. I had not done anything with the intention of making her look bad- he had wanted an explanation, and I had "given too many details". I should have sugar coated it in order to keep them BOTH from freaking out. Lesson learned, I guess.
Unfortunately, this shredding of my rear iris came as the same time as my PMS. It sent me into a deep depression that lasted well into my cycle. Usually, once I "start", my mood swings stabilize. Not this time. I was so upset, I cried for two days. I felt so hopeless. So alone. I didn't feel like anyone was on my side besides my husband. Sometimes, all you need is a friend. it felt like I was 8 years old again without a friend in the world.
So... being that this last cycle was SO bad, I called the "female" doctor. My appointment is this Thursday. I hope they will be able to help me with this. I have determined that what I am suffering from is a severe form of PMS (PMDD, or something like that). I read all the symptoms and it felt like I could relate to everyone of them.
The typical treatment for this condition is an anti-depressant that may be only taken two weeks a month, or possibly the whole month. I have never been one to jump to prescriptions, so for me to want one THIS BADLY says ALOT. I just hope they will prescribe something for me, because I can't continue to feel like this every three or four weeks. I have been dealing with it for years now, it just so happens this last month was one of the worst. It would be so nice to not feel the RAGE, SADNESS, and have the severe heachaces anymore.
So, once again, thanks to those of you who have know about my emotional struggling this past month- and who have taken the time to show your concern. Thanks to those of you who DIDN'T know, but who would've gave me a virtual hug had I not crawled into my own depressed world. You mean alot to me.
Kristen
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