I haven't written on my blog recently because...well, you know those bad days I wrote about? Yeh, it was like that.

Since I am no longer in Physical Therapy nor do I have anyone around who knowingly and professionally can tell me if I am pushing it too hard or not enough, I am in conundrums most of the time. I suppose I still have fear from what happened to me and don't know when I can push the envelope. I was never like that BS. I always thought walking took too much time, so I ran everywhere. When I left Marriott, a company that gives associates 2 days of sick leave a year, I had 265 hours coming to me.

When I have a situation to figure out and because I don't have answer, I think and make one up. I wanted to figure out how I can get rid of "bad days." I have heard that people who are or were paralyzed should try to stay in an upright position to enhance blood flow. OK, I think I sit too much. There isn't much to do for someone who doesn't have strength enough for a lot of activities, so that made sense to me. I have been using the treadmill for (5) minutes per session, (3) times a day. I decided to change that because each time, I was walking maybe (.10)mile. I decided I would walk 1/4 mile each day in one setting. I did it in(12) minutes the beginning this week and yesterday managed to make it in (11:45)minutes. Also, I have given myself tasks such as walking to the mailbox and, still to be attempted, walk about a 1/4 to the store for a newspaper. Between all this activity, I set myself tasks of going through boxes and organizing things to make this place looking better. I look at the mess of boxes and, like seeing the "forest 'for the trees," the task is just too much. I did this in my parents house and it seems a never-ending job. My parents never threw anything away and lo and behold, don't you know I still found stuff from my parents in these boxes! What do you do w/ you father's "Proficiency Report" from the army evaluating what equipment he could drive or the Common Prayer book his minister gave him when he entered the army?

I think I am making progress except today, I am having problems with my balance. I almost fell today. My head didn't know where it was and everything in my brain was discombobulated. I knew I was in that act of falling but nothing in my body worked to compensate for this act. I did finally catch myself before hitting the ground. Maybe I am overdoing it a bit today.

I need to figure out a balance between being lazy and overdoing. I feel I need to push myself because it seems I feel better/stronger when I do. But then aqain, if I overdo, I might not be able to go off to enjoy the weekend w/ my friends. Also, some other friends are coming over and we are all going to lunch. :chat: I want energy for both of these activities. If I sit around, I get too weak. If I overdo, I am too tired to do anything, I get dizzy easily and everything gets tingly and I can't stand.

I have written about my laziness. Sometimes it comes in handy. My philosophy is, lazy people are the most efficient people. For example, if I had (5) bags of grocercies to bring in from the car (predating plastic bags used now), I'd rather gather up all (5) bags in one fell swoop and take them inside instead of making three-five trips back and forth to the car. I think that's efficiency.

Now, when I was coordinating conferences, we had a gentleman who set up our meeting rooms. When set-up day came around, somehow we could never find Harvey. Harvey went hiding on those days. Yes, I admit that's laziness but nevermind how long he hid, the work was still waiting for him and still had to be done. When Harvey felt like working, he did a beautiful job.

In attacking these boxes, I decided not to look at the big picture but to "cut those trees down one by one." Looking at the big picture wasn't getting me anywhere. I efficiently take a stack of clothes and hang them in the closet. Why does each trip take all my energy? You wouldn't know it, but I really have gotten a lot of work done. Its still just a mess. :ranting:

While I am looking for someone to play the invisible violin, :yadayada: I may as well mention a conversation I had with my youngest son. He was talking about his work, which he loves, but was saying he didn't really want to go back to work on Monday. I wistfully said, and I wish I had a job I could say that about. He said I could go work for Wal-Mart. I said, you want me to be a Greeter??? He said sure, you could work for Wal-Mart.

This may not make me any friends and truly, I am not against anyone who works for Wal-Mart. I just think I can be used more effectively elsewhere, doing something else. I think its time to look for another family but I'll do that after Christmas. My kids might just have some nice presents for me. I'm not stupid. :im stupid: Enjoy your family and friends this time of year! :chat: