my worst enemy
My Dad had a saying "I think he is his own worst enemy." Well I think sometimes I am mine.
For one thing I can wake up full of positive thoughts and Susie Sunshine philosophy but it only takes one small thing to go wrong and my attitude changes. I don't mean to be negative, but a few minutes late for "X" and I feel as if the world is falling apart around me. I rant and rave, stamp and scold and finally Ray will be ready, so down the road and into the "late for wherever" traffic jam. Our main road is always under road construction somewhere or other so 50% of the year there is a hold up somewhere nearby. Grrr! How I hate some mornings!
Then I still make snap judgements, most of the time I am a kind friendly thoughtful person but let something go wrong and all that changes. I become a mad woman clawing anyone who comes close. I can snap a caller on the end of the phone, hang up in the ear of a telemarketer, push in front of a car crawling across my lane, out-run older folk to get one place up in the queue at the supermarket. Don't they know I only have three hours to do all I need to do? I seem to have a madness take over my life sometimes. The constraints of time act like a strait jacket and cut off my goodness and I become as dog-eat-dog as all the ungodly out there.
Of course a lot of this is down to stress. Since Ray has been home from hospital and we have added a physio appointment on Tuesday mornings and a doctor's visit Friday afternoon each week that has added tension to the week. But Ray was back at Daycare this week though so at least I got the time off while he was there and tomorrow will be Ray's second 9am-12noon time with a minder and my second three hours break so things should start to fall into place again soon.
On the cheerful side we did finally have a meal out with Ray's sister and her husband, she has been ringing since November and promising that we would go out "soon" so am glad the time finally arrived. It is not that she's not a nice person, she is, but as a couple they are very self-absorbed and I think everyone else is just on the edge of their universe. Others have said in their blogs we are not always in the forefront of every one's minds and that is so true. Our tragedies seem devastating to us, but to others they are just another bit of bad news and you know for sure they think of us occassionally. But as Ray' sister said today: "By the time I start to think of ringing anyone it is way too late at night." I can fully understand that as the same applies to me sometimes too.
The other good news is that my Dad's one remaining brother who lives in Ontario, Canada is thinking of coming to see us for another holiday in September or October. It is a very long way from him to us so I really appreciate even the thought that he might come and see us. He is a great friend to have too, always in touch as soon as something goes wrong. He said that he would like to visit us one more time. I hope he is able to do so.
There is always some good things to look forward to. Cooler weather, sunny warm days, nights cool enough to sleep, plenty of nice fruits and vegetables in the shops. The shorter days will give me more time to work on some of my cold weather projects, so out with the crochet hook and the knitting needles and the patterns. Time to put the feet into the warm slippers, wrap the blanket around the legs and dream. If you think that is going to happen YOU must be dreaming.
So t'is time to finish the chores of the day and put on the dinner. Always something to do. Before my worst enemy appears on the scene and wrecks my peaceful thoughts again.