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not good at the mo


sinead

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Hi all,

 

i have not posted on here for ages.

I am not in a good place at the moment.

I cannot get rid of this resentment of everything the stroke has done to me and robbed me of.

I cannot get used to having to do things a different way because I can no longer do it the way I used to. I am so fed up of everything beng a struggle and a fight - even something simple like making a cup of tea has to be planned out.

I have no memory at all and forget from one moment to the next.

I am registered blind as the stroke destroyed practically all my vision.

i have no balanc, no perception, understanding or spatial awareness.

There is not one part of my life that the stroke has not left a muddy dirty footprint on.

 

It is not self pity - but huge amounts of anger and resentment.

On 16th of this month it is 3 years since my stroke.

Surely I should be further along than this?

 

Add to the fact that 3 times in 2 months I have been scanned and tested for more strokes.

My arthritis has spread to my left hip and left wrist - which is normal considering my left side has the weaknes since the stroke.

It could not have gone to my right side and made things a touch easier could it?!

 

All in all not a good time at all

 

Sinead

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hi sinead:

 

welcome to blog community, I am sorry you are in not a good place right now, we all go through good and not so good feelings in or stroke recovery, though for me looking at what I can do and how far I have come was big factor in coming out of not feeling so good phase. I know when we are in that selfpity mode we feel we are far worse off than so many others. but stick around here and you will find you still have so much. my husband tells me one thing which I try to repeat every day, yes we are fallen, but instead of crying about it, we have to make best out of our situation, and luckily he is still here with me to help me out from muck of self pity.

 

lots of hugs,

Asha (survivor at age of 34 now 37)

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Hi sinead,

 

:console: to you my dear. You're are at your 3 year mark, I am 2 years. I too feel I should be further along in my recovery process than what I am. However, I am better than I was when stroke come into my life on New Year's Day, 2005.

 

Most importantly, I am still here for my daughter who is 14 years old. I am a single Mom, which has made life even more interesting for both of us. My daughter and I are a great team.

 

In your posts, you mention your daughter - where would she be without you? She needs her Mom.

 

I hope you visit the blog community and message board often - I find it of great comfort to be active on-site (above and beyond being on staff).

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I'm also 3 years and far from where I thought I would be at this time. My relief is I am alive and breathing, of course my wife has been my life pushing me each day. I understand where you are coming from at the same time with more deficits to contend with.

 

I can't help but to tell myself I will get better with time althought at times it seems like I'm going backwards.

 

I feel coming on this message board and expressing yourself (venting) from time to time will help. You are among friends who understand and members with different levels of disabilities. So get started posting and doing what you can in every way possible.

 

You'll feel better knowing others and the world is not against us as survivors. We made it!

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I really don't know what to say. I can certainly understand your resentment and anger. Three years is a very long time to go without seeing a lot of improvement. I can understand you being discouraged. Take comfort in all of the good people here. Maybe they can help you accept this. I think that would be your first step into getting over the anger and such. :hug:

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