I have been going through some ups and downs around here which I had attributed to the dreary winter weather. As this is my first winter in 13 years being in a winter climate, it is definitely an adjustment. As I've floundered around in my mopey state of mind wanting warmer weather and going through smoking withdrawals it has taken its toll on me...to the point that I had set all my blogs as invisible (2nd time I've done this but this time I didn't delete them as a did over a year ago).

What has helped me is to keep telling myself that God will not give me what I can't handle. Yesterday afternoon and evening though we (my daughter and I) were thrown massive curve ball that has been brewing for a few months. We have been literally ignored by my Brother and "his" mother (I no longer accept her as mine). Kristi has been calling both of them and not having messages returnerd. I've emailed my Brother and requested he call me - nothing. This has been since right after my heart cath in January. Yesterday afternoon, after school, Kristi was going to the grocery store to get us a few things and decided to try again to call her grandmother in AZ. Well....the woman answered the phone. Kristi pointedly asked her why her grandmother hates her. "That woman" proceeded to dump on my child and tell her that she does nothing but use people and that everyone is sick and tired of it and felt that she was an ungrateful girl and just out to use people for what she can get from them. When the call concluded, Kristi called me hysterically crying - I thought she'd been asttacked. Once I established that physically she was ok I planned to call AZ myself and download on her. Kristi begged me not to and said we'd talk when she returned home. I agreed and it was the longest wait I think outsife of the day I gave birth to her.

After Kristi returned home, we sat, talked, cried, and vowed to never speak to that person again. As I told Kristi we moved 2400 miles away from her and her meanness only to have it follow us - next I guess we need to move out of the country.

Her slams to my child were an indirect way of slamming me as well. SSDI money does not stretch very far. I am able to cover our rent and utilities but there is never any left over cash to even think of purchasing her clothes for school or other things a teenage girl wants. That makes me feel like scum of the earth and that bi**es comments yesterday only solidified my own feelings about myself of late. As I'm typing all of this, once again my eyes have been leaking all over the place. But God does not give us what we can't handle - though he is pushing my limits this time. enough already!!