I have a new neighbour two doors over. I said a few words to her last week, another few sentences yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon I was dressing to go to our Lions dinner and there was a knock on the back door. There stood my new neighbour with two glasses of wine. She said she needed to talk to me desperately and it seemed she did. She is taking a course in "Caring for the Aged" and had just hit the subject of DEATH. It had really pushed all her buttons and she was a mess. She had come home to her two kids and burst into tears. I guess there is more to it than that.

I only had half an hour so I gave her a potted version of my encounters with counselling and death both as a telephone counsellor and as a hospital chaplain. I explained the "take a step back" theory which helps with counselling the family straight after the event ( it is "their" grief, not yours, you are just assisting them with it) and she seemed ok. She does her first day of "pratical education" on Friday and was sure she would stuff it up. I made all the usual encouraging comments. Luckily a phone call cut us short or I would have been late for dinner. I have an idea it is an ongoing dialogue though.

I have a couple more people from Dementianet interested in ringing me occassionally. I don't mind as long as it is after 9.30pm as Ray is in bed by then and I can concentrate on what they are telling me. I am in no way a counsellor, here or anywhere else, I am sure that is obvious. But I do have a lot of experience, both because of my age and the life I have lead. The two main areas, stroke and dementia I can only base on my own experiences dealing with stroke and vascular dementia with Ray, Alzheimers with Mum. Mostly people just need to vent, and maybe have someone to bounce their ideas off. Either way I am willing to spend an hour doing that.

Ray has been "off" the last couple of days, his sugar reading has risen, he looks worried, frowns etc. He has also been much slower ( if that is possible) and quite unco-operative. He hasn't expressed any new concern but then he doesn't talk much now. As usual the complaints begin: "It is all very well for you..." He also seems to want to just sit, sit and sit some more, not good for his walking, balance etc and says he isn't sleeping although he snored most of last night. I will leave it a few days and if it continues maybe go to the doc for an opinion. He has had recent bloodwork and I don't think he has a fever so...????

Maybe it is impossible to counsel those you love and are closest to. Trev has had problems at work and although I have made some suggestions it is not really appreciated. He too just wants to vent, he probably knows what the answers to his problems are and doesn't need me to fix them, just to make sympathetic noises. As he works with ex-drug addicts this probably explains why there always seems to be arguments etc and it is harder for them all to work together as a team. It is good work if you have good results but sometimes frustrating when all you see is the same old problems surfacing.

The days are cooler this week and so are the nights. There are signs that it is autumn (fall) already and so it may be a long cold winter. I hope it is not too cold as our open plan house is hard to heat and so I "spot heat", just warm up the room we are using. This means leaving Ray mostly in our living room and taking meals etc to him. It also means less time on the verandah, more time in the chair or on the bed. So I wll have to work out how to get him to exercise inside instead of on the verandah on the colder mornings. I also need a means of warming the shower room as it is on the outside wall of the house, unlike the actual bathroom which is in the middle of the house.

I have extended to a lot of people on my email list an offer to have them visit me in March. I was hoping to generate some interest in coming to see us, particularly for people related to Ray, that way. He is so much more confident here in his own home. With the dementia he is getting to the stage where going to a new place, meeting new people etc seems to send him into confusion so while he is still "okay" with visitors I would like to have some of his cousins etc come to see us here. By the response I have had so far I guess I am pushing my luck.

It is two years now since we went on that last bus trip. We did two a year for six years, they varied in length from 5 - 14 days and we saw some wonderful places. It was obvious on the last one that we were too slow to even keep up with the eighty year olds. Such a pity as it was a life enhancing experience for me, a window onto the rest of the world. Now if we go anywhere I drive. If it is further than a couple of hours drive Ray gets agitated. It is partly a toiletting issue and I think partly a feeling that life is out of control for him. Here is his world, a small space where he feels safe. He can still do church, Lions dinners, the local shopping centre and a few other places. But in any new place the agitation appears, he is clumsy, frowns a lot, chokes on his food etc. I hesitate to even go on day trips now.

I'm listening to the rosellas arguing in the trees, they have a series of screeches probably music to the ears of other rosellas a bit harsh on my ears. Because of the late rain we also have a lot of late blossom and they are very busy, being honey eaters. There is a joy in hearing the sounds of nature around. I'm listening with my heart and drinking it into my soul.