lots of tests that are TOP SECRET!
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Larry had a long day today in the cardiac care ward at Memorial. Stress test with Adenosine to see how his heart is working, then CT stan to check for clots because of an elevaed d-dimer test (I looked it up on line, it means they are looking for clots in the legs and/or lungs). Finally done about 5PM, ate a decent dinner but not much in the mode for conversation. I am not sure the realizes that he sounds like a Golden Retriever when he taks: "Booooow owwww ooooh wooooowwwww". Lots of finger pointing thrown in for emphasis, but it does not help - I just am not getting what he wants to say. He really does seem to think he is less impaired than he is, and hs tried to get up on his own a couple of times. What a strange phenomenon to be that out of touch with reality.
I printed out all the emails and cards that he's received since the stroke and took them with me to the hospital today. He very carefully scanned each one - I put some ringers in that were upside down, but he turned them right side up and really did seem to be reading them. He smiled where appropriate, rolled his eyes at some of the very religious ones, and in generally seemed to get it pretty well. Encouraging!
The stress EKG was good. They also did a CT scan to test for clotting issus because of a high "D-Dimler" reading; I had to google to find out what that is; the RN had no clue. Essentially means you're at risk for clotting. Dependeing on how that goes he may or may not be discharged to the SNF tomorrow. We shall see.
He ate well again today, and that is a good sign. Tired when I left so no "bye", but that's OK. He had a pretty good day.
I walked around the block and didn't melt down until about half way through whe I started feeling extremely sorry for myself again. Grow up! Life is not pretty, and tragedy happens to everyone at some point. Don't be a baby about it, you are 50 years old and it's time to do credit to your husband and yourself and be an adult. That's how the self-talk goes, anyway. I stopped at the edge of the park and sat down in the grass...right in a big clump of you-know-what form one of our canine friends. So much for taking myself too seriously. Even I, the queen of depression and self-pity, had do laugh! Sometimes it really is out of your hands.
So, a long day, but could have been worse. Tests are OK. Larry is Larry, and progressing at his pace. I'm eating a little, sleeping a little, mising the old life and knowing it's gone. Trying to come to grips and not lose my mind (some woudl dispute that there was very much to lose, but let them have their fun).
Hope to all for a good recovery, and for a new life that, althought different, can still be good.
xxxoo
-Janime
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