Yep...I am back. Due to a lot of unforseen circumstances both mechanical failure and ISP orneriness caused me to be blacked out so Trev set up a new ISP and late this afternoon I finally got access to the internet again. Like a boomerang you can throw me away but I'll finish up at your feet or hitting you on the back of the head! So watch out!

What has occupied the past week or so? All sorts of things - doctor's appointments, hair cuts, the usual round of engagements that forms the framework of our lives. The glorious late autumn sunshine has made sitting out on the verandah with Ray such a pleasure. We have a "Biggest Morning Tea" campaign in May with people encouraged to meet together for a "cuppa" and donate money to the Cancer Council for research and so far Ray and I have attended two with two more to go, so our social life has suddenly improved!

Then there was Mother's Day last Sunday and after we went to church we went over for a BBQ over with our married son's family. A bit of a mixed blessing for him though as he was "on call" for the funeral company he works for. Someone had to do it and he got the short straw. So he did three "pick ups", one at a nursing home, two from private homes. He said the third one was the worst as there was a large family in the house and much grief. It is a hard job when it is like that for the "removalists". Trev did the BBQ at his house in his place so we did not starve and enjoyed a family time with our daughter-in-law and three grandchildren.

I did get some separation anxiety from being without access to my internet friends and did have a full day on the pity pot when the "blues" hit me so hard I thought I would just go away and not come back. That was partly from the feeling that I have been "too long" at this caring business and it was all too hard. Nine years and counting does not make that feeling go away. The years of experience just help me keep it at bay. And I get by with a LOT of help from family and friends. It never seems to get easier, just harder as you age. But that's love at work.

And life does go on. Some happy days, some not so good. With the dementia Ray has good and bad days and it is hard to say why. Some things he does makes me want to scream, others seem to reduce me to tears. I had that one early morning when he decided to "look for something" in the refrigerator and picked up a large container of pumpkin soup and dropped it all over the kitchen floor. What a clean-up! But even as I scolded I could see his sad expression and knew that in some way he was just trying to help, to lighten my load. How very unfair life seems sometimes...to both of us.

I booked our flights to Cairns for two weeks in June today. As I was booking them I was looking ahead to the trip, an hour and a half by car to Sydney, one hour (at least) to wait at the airport, three hours on the plane. It is hard on Ray, sitting for so long but if I take his puzzle book in my carry on luggage and keep him busy it will all go by in a flash. I try to cushion life for him as much as I can. With physical and now mental problems life is no picnic for him either. I have to remember that...if it is why me? it must also be...why him? too.

I'll spend some time now reading your blogs and then read all the posts I have missed. It will take a while to catch up. But that is okay...life will go by anyway.