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Remember me??


avantgardener

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I'm embarrassed by how long it's been since I've written here. Insert all the usual excuses - no time, too busy, etc. etc. - all are true!

 

I guess the real reason is that I've come out the other side of the initial craziness, and am not feeling as needy as I did at first after Larry's stroke. Weird as it may seem, all of this has become a routine, and although I would never have chosen it, this is our new life and we've adjusted.

 

It's been 7 months since Larry's stroke. Seems like a lifetime ago! I was a totally different person B.S. than I am A.S., and Larry is too, and somehow we have managed to make it all work. Larry is still about the same - pretty much total paralysis on his right side, no speech or writing, and confined to a wheelchair. Still, there are a lot of good days. He gets up in the chair and we go out, or we go into the back yard and water the plants, or just into the living room to watch TV. He likes being at home, and doesn't seem to want more out of life, so I respect that and have stopped pushing him to go to therapy appointments or improve his condition - he doesn't want to, and I can't force him, and that's not how I want it, but it's not about me!

 

I'm glad to have an outside job that keeps me in the "real world" for most of the day. Aside from needing the money, I also need the time away from the aftermath of the stroke. As much as I'd like to be able to care for Larry myself, the reality is that I would be totally depressed and frustrated if I actually could. Jean is so right - caregiving is not for sissies! I count myself so fortunate that I have a solid career and can afford someone to come in during the day so that I can continue to work. I like looking after Larry at night and on the weekends, and I'm grateful that Cecilia manages things when I'm not here. That breathing space is the difference between sanity and craziness for me.

 

So, I hope everyone is well, and that I'm forgiven for being quiet so long. There just are not enough hours in the day, and I end up not logging on at home for days on end. I promise not to disappear, but surely do wish that I had more time!!

 

xxxoo

..jm..

 

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