Each time I go to visit my Mum I drive past a church bulletin board. This week's message reads:"Courage gives us the power to let go of the familiar." Now there is food for thought.

Ray went into respite on Monday for two weeks. I hate to do that this time of the year, there is so much on and I can't really use the time off to go away or have a break. I am transport for a few of the church ladies and would feel I was letting them down if I suddenly couldn't take them to meetings etc. And at this time of the year there is so much to do here at home, like putting up the decorations, sending out the Christmas cards, doing the Christmas shopping. At least without Ray I can cruise to the shops whenever I feel the need and fly up and down the aisles like a mad woman.

Because of a series of bungles by the planners and others that book the respite at the facility I use I didn't get the week in November that I wanted. I was going to use it to attend the WAGS ( stroke support group) womens weekend, instead, after a lot of arguing of my case and my need for respite I got two weeks in December. It was a take it or leave it situation, so I took it. Now I need to use it to rest and relax and get ready for the rush of Christmas and the stresses of summer.

I need time off from the problems Ray has that fill my days - his incontinence, his need for thickened juice, his choking and swallowing problems etc. I would have preferred one week as two weeks gets him too used to doing nothing all day and being waited on. I can't keep up that kind of service at home with a staff of one. So he finds it hard to come back home and have to go to the kitchen to get a spoon or if he needs a straw or go to the bathroom to wash his face etc. I still do all my usual things, I just don't baby him like they tend to do in respite.

So far I haven't done anthing that could be construed as "me time". It has been housework etc. But this afternoon I did go and sit in on the end of a lunch for one of the groups I belong to. It meant I caught up with a couple of people I've missed seeing since my Fridays got so busy. Ray wouldn't have gone to the lunch so I had put in an apology but thought I'd go and have a drink with a couple of people I have made friends with who belong to the group.

I couldn't get into chat today (Tuesday night Caregivers chat) but did manage to use the IM ( Instant Messenger) system to have a conversation with a couple of people. For those who don't know how to access that, go to Community links, double click on Who's Online, at the end of each members line you will see IM, double click on that and the Instant Messenger comes up and once you are in it is like one-on-one chat. You can IM several peple and have two or three chats going at once if you are able to concentrate well enough for that.

Today I talked to Babsz, Shirley (Phoenix) and for a short while Donna and Sarah (spacie 1). Instant messenger doesn't replace chat but it is a useful way of contacting and connecting with a person. And it is available 24 hours a day, if you can find someone else that can't sleep or comes from a different time zone. Remember here on the east coast of Australia when it is 8pm in the chat room it is noon the next day here.

By the way my cousin in Canada rang me up at 3am this morning. Her Dad, my uncle and my deceased Dad's one remainig brother, is ill and I had left a message for her so she left a message for me, then rang me thinking we were just twelve hours ahead and woke me up at three! She had said she would ring at 8am her time which she didn't so it was well after midnight when I had decided she wasn't going to ring and went off to bed. I am not much of a conversationalist at 3am!

Distance can divide us and isolate us if we let it. I can't up and fly to Canada to see my uncle before he passes. I would love to do it, to repay him for the number of times he flew to Australia and stayed a few weeks to support my Mum and Dad. It would be lovely to see him one more time, whatever his present condition. But I have the responsibility of Ray. And they tell me the snow is fairly deep in Canada this year. So I am one of those "absent friends" we all complain so much about. Woe is me. I am not able to be as supportive to my cousins as I would like to be. So if she wants to ring me at 3am - so be it.

I was chatting to Shirley (Phoenix) on IM . She was talking about the difficulties she has now that her eldest daughter has left home, leaving her with extra tasks some of them very difficult for a one handed person to do, like doing her disabed daughter's hair. I realised as a survivor and a caregiver for her disabled daughter what tremendous courage she has. She faces her day to day tasks so cheerfully. She is a real inspiration to me as are a lot of the survivors here. Sure we always have those who could probably do more to help themselves but on the whole they are ( or should I say YOU ARE) a wonderful bunch of people who have great courage and use that power to face the all the challenges of everyday living. Good for you all. Bravo!!