This is hard to put into words but I'll try. You heard of use it or lose it right? Well, I used my left hand and arm daily and exercise my entire left side every day. My doctor's diagnose now is "I've lost the use of my weak hand but at the same time gained the use of my left leg and foot. How strange can that be?

The doctor was reviewing MRI and other pictures taken recently of my brain and head. I have very small veins feeding into cells that have died for whatever reasons. When?, he doesn't know. That has caused less movement in my hand and arm. At the same time my leg has more feed into a cell or cells that was supplied from still other veins and live cells.

I can now walk without a cane, slowly but no support. It all started on April first and is still going. What I mean by lost is my ability to control doing anything with my left hand. The strength in it has eased away. I can pull towards my body but can not push away. A part of the brain controls each movement, that part has been lost. On the flip side I gained in the cells controlling my lower body in general my leg and foot.

Strokes are very hard to figure out what is affected in the brain. That's how we recover certain functions as blood are fed to areas where cells are located but dormant. I'm trying to tell this as it was explained to me from a medical standpoint. I'm reading off the paper I was given to me explaining my lost. I'm leaving out the big words I don't know the meanings. This is the first time a doctor has ever tried to explain what was going on in my brain. Others have just said they see no further damage from my very first pictures five years ago.

This doctor says that's not so, there is more damage, but hard to detect. To me, they over looked it, bottom line. My five recently trips to the ER for stroke like symptoms were in fact just that, stroke. My first stroke was a bleed, these last times has been blockages. Now I know why I was given Plavix. That makes me think that some doctors feel within themselves you can't accept the news of another stroke so they withhold that judgement from you.

I think it's our bodies and we know best when something just isn't right inside. We are not medical doctors or specialist but we know when something isn't right. I had come to grips with my body, mind and religious belief that the end was near. I sorta hinted here and there about my problem not to alarm anyone. I feel much better knowing something was the problem not just random thinking on my part.

It's a different feeling not being able to use my hand as I had for the last five years. I'm getting used to it now and knowing really is better. So, long story short, I am now one handed for sure. Still it is a step above not having it at all. At the same time I celebrate my ability to walk unassisted. I keep my cane in the car just in case and I still must use my scooter for distance.

My biggest concern was having my fist close up and not open and my arm fold up to my chest making it difficult getting my clothes on by myself. I will keep working, exercising to prevent it getting any worse. Every chance I get I hold my arm down by my side fingers open. I bought that "Iron Gym" from walmart (28 bucks) you see advertised on TV. I will work with it over the door day and night until I get stronger in the legs and upper body.

Losing the use of a hand or arm is not the end but the beginning of more work to prevent further damage in my mind. At one point I thought this could never happen as I had therapy every year since I was discharged from the hospital unable to walk when I came home.

Thanks to the prayers and concerns you all showed me as I faced unknown reasons for my conditions. Now I know.