end of one stage, beginning of another
Entry posted by swilkinson
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Sad day today in many ways as Trev and I cleaned out Room 11 at the Dementia Lodge, Mum's home for the past eight years. The night nurses had packed it up for us in six rubbish bags! There it all was, just so big a pile of old clothes, photos and sun hats. Just the sight of it all made me teary.
I could not have done it alone but with Trev's help we moved the dressing table and chair back here and sent some of the clothes over to the Nursing Home and tonight I have sorted the rest. It is still uncertain whether she will walk or not but she will still need warm clothes as they sit out in chairs and in the loungerooms every day. She will be assessed on Friday for a suitable chair and I will buy whatever is recommended for her. It will be her birthday present as she turned 91 today.
I was so glad of Trev's help and I think he got his reward. When we went over to see Mum he bent down to give her a kiss and she put her hand up and stroked his hair, just as she used to when he was young, it was a real tender moment. He had to turn aside to hide his tears.
This afternoon I went to the care providers focus group. This is a project called: "Providing Value in Care" and five of us were asked some questions about what we value in our care packages. I can say not all my comments were positive and somehow when you are honest others follow your example so I think they were a little surprised by our answers.
Once again I was thankful that I have the strength to handle what I have as a couple of the women were still providing care for children who are now in their thirties. They were cheerful but you could also the tremendous strain they must be under. They had been faithful caregivers for a lot longer than I have been looking after Ray. I can't tell you their names but please pray for all those who's caring roles last practically until they take their last breath.
All of this takes an enormous emotional toll. A few of you have put parents into a care facility and know what I am saying. I feel sad, guilty, concerned for the future both for Mum and for Ray and I. I know that with his conditions one day I will be making the decision on his behalf, or maybe someone else will be making it for me...lol. Caregivers get sick as well as tired, we so often neglect our own care while concentrating on the one we care for.
Tomorrow I will put on a brave face and go and look at the small space, one quarter of a large room, that Mum can now call her own. This then, is what life comes down to - a bed and a chair. But maybe at the end of a rich life, this, and a kindly staff to look after us, is all we need.
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