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Life in the HOV Lane


jjohnson

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I have found since my Brain Stem Stroke, people don't seem to understand the difference I have to endure. This has caused me a lot of pain in my daily living. Pre-stroke I was a very "together" person. I was quick in my decision making, thought processing, in every aspect of my life.

It seems since my stroke, People don't seem to have patience with me or even understand what I am going through.

I don't use my "Brain Stem Stroke" as a calling card for an easy life or for a free pass... My life is anything but easy. It is a daily struggle to get through each minute of every day.

I get sick and tired of hearing well that happened years ago. Do they walk in my shoes? I think not. Are they homebound and don't have visitors and friends stopping by? Have they had something happen to them where their life was turned upside down? Have they had people just walk out on them and their friendship because of the deficits that stroke left them with?

 

 

Life just is. Whether we perceive life as hard, pleasant, challenging, exciting, stressful, or otherwise is a result of our perceptions and our way of thinking. We know because we live it day in and day out.

If we decide to stay in the game of life or not we are here until the day we die. I made it through being in a coma and on life support. I know what kind of life I had pre stroke. I had to live with the diagnosis of Muscular Dystrophy. My life changed but I got through it day by day.

 

My life is lonely now. I try to stay happy and upbeat. I fight daily with the Beast, Stroke Deficits. I try to win that battle and go on with my life. I have a few good friends

pre stroke and a few I have made since my stroke who understand what I am dealing with. Problem is they live out of state. I can take constructive criticism... because I know there is unconditional caring and love behind it. Infact, I welcome it as it does help me become a better person. My memory problem seems to be a problem for some individuals I know. Well, sorry, I didn't ask for the Brain Stem Stroke. Not everyone knows what I live with on a daily basis. I don't compare my life with anyone else's. I take it for face value and it is what it is. I used to have so many friends and was always on the go .... now it is a blessing I get to sit out on my front porch. I enjoy the simple things in life. I do, to be honest, sometimes long for the Jan I once was. But, I don't stay in the "past" for long as it doesn't do me any good. I am just grateful I had such a good life and didn't stroke until later in life. I do stay in a Grateful lane of the highway of life. I wish I had family but that doesn't guarantee they would be here either. So I change my lane of the highway and get out of the Wish lane and be grateful for what I do have. I do have a sister but she hasn't been here at all. She only lives about four hours from me but she doesn't visit or call. I actually refer to her as my "Biological" sister. Her children, my two nieces and one nephew, don't contact me either. I have great nephews as well. This does make me sad. But, again, I stay out of the Sad lane of the highway.

 

What I do have is ME, MYSELF and I. I won't check out on me. I kinda like her and have stuck around throughout the Brain Stem Stroke and Muscular Dystrophy. They have fought hard with God's guidance on how to get through all that I have gotten through. It was and still is a hard daily battle.

I need to follow the person in front of me, the God Mobile. I won't ever go wrong just as long as I keep on following him. He loves me unconditionally and accepts me at face value. I am on FAITH BLVD.

 

 

 

 

I would like to end my Blog with the following:

 

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

- Anonymous

 

I will continue my journey and keep Believing in Miracles and continue to SOAR... After all, Me, Myself and I equals "A Stroke Survivor."

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jan, this is a very good blog and you are right there is alot of struggling that you must endure when you are a stroke survivor, but you are a very strong lady with alot of worthwhile things to say and i just wanted you to know that we listened,and that you are very helpful is all that you say and do and thank you jan for telling me the struggle that you aregoing through

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You know Jan, you can only live one life...That's yours! It's like if we loose one arm, be glad we still got one, that is if we were born with two. That's my discovery of human beings born with two of many parts of the body. Should we loose the right or left brain, we still got one, so we can live with that one.

 

If people can't figure this out, there is no way we can convince them differently, I don't even try. I'm just as happy every day with what I got left after my stroke as I was before my stroke. Honestly, there are no sad days in my life caused by what I've lost or what other people say about me, too me or to others they converse with daily. :nuhuh:

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Jan, what a great blog from the heart. I wish I lived closer to you and if I did, we would go for lunch. Several weeks after my last chemo, I called a friend who I hadn't seen for awhile who had just had a triple bypass. I didn't realize how lonely she was and how lunch made her day.

 

 

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