I have too much time on my hands in winter. So I get too much time to think. That is bad when it is obsessive and introverted, which it can sometimes be but not bad if it allows me time to trim my sails and make some adjustments to my future path in the journey of life.

I drove past the beach yesterday and despite the cold dark look of the ocean there were a few hardened board riders out. That is how it should be. We need those people who know the ocean well. We belong to Lions and our Club dinners are held at the Surf Club Clubhouse so we have a lot to do with the Lifesaving Movement and regularly donate money to help supply equipment etc. I love the beach but I am not a strong swimmer so admire those who can read the ocean as they do and look to them to keep me safe.

In the journey through life we come across a lot of dangerous shoals. It is good if there is someone close by who can say: “No, not that way, come this way, it is safer.” Of course we can choose not to listen, go on blindly doing what we want and make the journey much harder for ourselves and the people that ultimately have to rescue us and set us up again. But we are wiser if we at least listen and make some adjustments governed by what others observe in our situation.

I fear that on the stroke journey many are doing just that, denying the reality of what is happening and doing things the hard way, shutting out the advice of those who would help and trying to do it all by themselves. If you are reading this of course you are not in that situation, you have come looking for help and are heeding the lifeguards shout.

So what do we do with advice? I’ve said in a previous blog that an old friend of Mum’s used to say it is like eating a chicken, you eat the flesh and spit out the bones. In other words you take the advice that seems appropriate for your situation and use what is good in it to make some changes.

I have been very lucky in my life that at critical turning points someone has been there to shout: “Not that way…” and so I have avoided making some big mistakes that would have changed my life radically, and not for the better. Though in a few cases I have ignored advice or wise words and gone my own way and had to suffer the consequences.

So you come on here and read and see the examples of others and what they are doing to get well if you are a survivor or learn from others how to care if you are a caregiver. Good first step. Then you look at your own life situation and with those glasses that allow you so see the truth and know the truth say: “What can I do to adjust this situation. Is there a better way of operating here?”

I think that is one of the benefits of chat. On good days we have time to put a question out there and get some answers. It may not be the answer you were expecting or looking for but it is like suddenly seeing life from someone else’s perspective. And as we are all in the same situation or roughly so you can rely on the person answering to use his or her learned wisdom to focus on a problem.

It is the same with posting a new topic. You ask the questions, a lot of other people type in an answer or a response or offer support in some form or other. Again because they don’t know our circumstances the answer might not fit the problem but at least it gives us more to think about, stretches our horizons a bit and gives us at best a new insight. It is like the lifeguard in the tower who sees so much further than we can standing on the sand.

In viewing the blogs we are very lucky to have that precious privilege of seeing life through another person’s eyes.

I have read answers sometimes and wonder how the person got there from the question I asked. It sound so easy when your mind is not clouded by denial, high expectations, trying to do what is best for all etc. For all of us struggling with a new situation reality bites. And recovering from reality bite is like recovering from shark bite. You have to go get some first aid, look after yourself and make sure the situation is monitored. So we do seek advice and see what the treatment is and follow the instructions.

How do I apply this to my own life? I read here and on a couple of dementia boards as Ray’s dementia again alters our reality. I seek some personal help from a counselor, well at the moment that is not happening as the worker can’t really help me as she is trained in another field, but I will eventually find someone. In the meantime I can ask my questions of appropriate people. How do I do this? How do I cope with that? If I wanted to do… how would I go about that?

I am often so bogged down in caring for Ray that I do not see my own life at all. It is like having your face in the water looking down, it is okay for a while but if you keep it in there too long you drown. So I need those lifeguards to look out for me. Friends or workers or others who can help me direct my path so I eventually complete my journey.