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venting about falls



This is a vent so if you don’t want to read it skip to someone else’s blog.


I belong to another site for spouse caregivers. On that site we tend to tell each other the bad things that happen in our day. We are all dealing with spouses with multiple disabilities. Doing so causes us a lot of anxiety and frustration so we understand when another caregiver says she can’t stand this or that behaviour. We’ve been there and done that so we understand. We often feel exactly the same way.


I know it sounds negative to sound off about our partner/care recipient all the time. But remember that by doing it on that site we may be able to stand up to the next lot of difficult behaviour with a smile instead of dialing the nearest nursing home and asking can they do a pick-up urgently. Like all forms of support it is enabling us to go on caring for longer whatever the circumstances might be.


I am having trouble getting Ray to exercise. As I’ve said elsewhere he has put on about twelve pounds since the beginning of December when the diabetic ulcer happened. Because he hasn’t been able to do the standing exercises he usually does he has done no exercises at all. So he has been sitting or lying down, eating really well over Christmas and putting on that extra weight.


Ray has a lot of falls. Sometimes we will have two or three weeks without a fall and then two or three in a week, that was this week. We have Trevor living two doors down so he can still help out by picking Ray up. Trevor is big and strong and seems to pick Ray up effortlessly. He now has a job where he works from 4pm-8pm in a municipal building as a cleaner. Both falls occurred between those hours this week so I had to pick up Ray.


Ray used to be able to help me with the lift using the stronger right side of his body to lift with the arm and push with the leg. This week he seemed not to be able to help me at all. I just managed both lifts but after the second I felt physically sick, so I know I need to rethink how I lift, when I lift and when I call the paramedics. And do I need to lift at all in an emergency, instead of maybe leaving him where he is till Trevor comes home?


Today I asked Ray to do some exercises from an old exercise tape designed for seniors. We have used this one before on wet days. Ray said he didn’t want to do it because it was too hot! I just about blew like a volcano. That may have been because I had been cooking and was a little overheated myself. I explained that I have no intention of killing myself trying to lift him after future falls and he better get stronger so he can help himself. I know he just wants an EASY life, but so do I.


There is no way I am putting him into a nursing home if I can go on looking after him but coping at this level is about my limit so he needs to be aware of that and make an effort to get better and stronger with enough strength in his good right side to help with the lifts. He also needs to know if he hasn’t a spoon they are in the kitchen drawer, his socks are in the wardrobe and if he has “lost” his watch he can look in the bathroom. In other words he needs to do some things for himself.


It is so easy to slip back into “invalid ways”. Can you picture the old Granny or Granpa sitting in the chair rocking while the faithful daughter brought the lemonade out on the tray? She has on a pretty apron and we can hear the maid/cook singing in the kitchen as she prepares the family meal. Well that is pure Hollywood. It doesn’t happen that way here! Sure Ray gets lemonade, diet usually and I do bring him a glass out onto our verandah and sit by him with my own glass while he drinks his. Then I go back inside and go on with the rest of the housework.


How much longer will it be possible to go on looking after Ray at home? Who knows? But I do know it does hinge on him at least trying to do some things for himself.




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sue please continue to vent. when you were away did ray fall as often?(seems like years ago i'm sure) if so what did they do?probably had more than 1 person helping out.could you give ray a pillow or something comfortable letting him know that help is coming after a fall; but keep him company while you wait for help. maybe he will see he does need the exercize so he can help you out, or maybe that would lead to arguments.don't know, sorry i can't offer more than emotional support and prayers. blessings lynn


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Sue: I too would be inclined to leave him where he fell until help came, however with the diabetic neuropathy, he can't feel pressure points like we do and reposition himself. Maybe consider an air mattress that you could roll him onto until Trevor got home-the inexpensive ones you see in backyard pools. Wish I could send you one of my aerobeds, but even they would be too high to roll onto.


Funny I just finished a conversation with Bruce that he must try and not make more work for me-our issue is the BR of course. I said to him for five minutes in the BR, how many days a week do you expect me to change sheets?


Since Phildogg's leg lifts are done in bed or lying down, you might want to start with them. They really hurt when not in the water, but Bruce does five reps a couple of times a day with the threat of no getting up if he doesn't do them.


You vent away. The last thing I want to turn into is a cranky old lady and once I get it out, especially to people who understand it is just a release, helps so much. I wrote an entire hour long blog the other night and when I was done, felt so much better I just erased it. Thinking of you every day, Debbie

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vent away. This is the place. We understand.

Our partners have got to help. WE cannot shoulder the entire burden by ourselfs. We expect some work/help from them.



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Please continue to vent. My husband has a couple of falls too fortunately I was at home I called 911 and the guys came and picked up Burt. He tends to lose his balance due to his Stroke. I have never blogged and have attempted a couple of caregiver meetings, but I must admit felt s empty as when I went in. I am beginning to think that I get to do this with my husband all by myself. He is five ears since his Stroke and has come pretty far, but I know he will never use his hand again makes me sad, but those are the cards dealt to me. I never thought I would be so alone at fit years old, but I am... STROKES suck. I pray the federal government dos not take my IHSS I receive from the state so I can keep my husband home, either way we will survive. I wish some of those congress people could walk a day in my shoes, I think they would maybe have second thoughts.

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Sue you go right ahead and vent. Were hear for you. You have to put your foot down to Ray, this stroke is a team effort and your not pulling you weight in this team. I would leave him lay till you son can help. Maybe Ray needs to see you have trouble lifting him alone. Even is Ray is uncomfortable, it may sink in.

remembertolaugh, Jeanniebean:cocktail:

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