Top of the Morning lads and lassies
Well, I thought it was time I wrote a blog and share with you what has been going on in my lil part of the world.
First, I would like to share the following. It sorta sums up my feelings about my "Stroke Journey" which began November 2003.
I think of myself as diamond,
perhaps pure gold.
Maybe my life is an antique vase,
unique, precious, and rare.
Consider the point in which they all began.
Think of the process each went through.
Each test of life has shaped me.
Failure has polished the diamond I am.
The tragedy purified my golden finish.
Another love lost has molded me like clay,
and shaped me into this lovely vase.
You have given me strength
to overcome stress and change,
only to make my faith stronger in the end.
I began my "membership to StrokeNet because I am a Brain Stem Stroke Survivor. Then life was learning to live life one second at a time. Then a few years later, I experienced two TIA's. I again picked myself up and continued down the journey of life. Then again, I was again back in the hospital ... to be percise, December 19th, 2010 .... funny thing is.... I was at 9am service at Church when this happened... they had to call 911 and I was back at the hospital. I thank GOD it is a "Stroke Certified" Hospital. I feel very safe there and they know I am a "Club Med" frequent patient plan. This time I went straight from the ambulance to a DR in no time flat. End result.... I had yet another Brain Stem Stroke. This one took out my site fully in my left eye. I have been having to wear an eye patch... I felt like a Pirate only minus the bird on my shoulder and no peg leg. With each stroke, I just have to try to stay strong and know this is just another part of my journey. It has been very very hard this go round. Another BIG LOSS for me is my dear friend of 49 years, my dear Lindy. She passed away on February 4th. It is a BIG loss for me as we were like Sisters. I miss her so very much. When I got home from the first Brain Stem ordeal, like I have shared before, all my "so called friends/acquaintances" abandonded me... Lindy was the only true one who stayed by my side. I have two friends, Lisa in PA and Lisa in VA, and I am grateful we have communication by telephone. I do count my blessings. It's just I am or I should say I WAS such a people person and I truly MISS having contact with people. BUT, I just have to be thankful for what I do have. I just miss Lindy so much and I know she is my Guardian Angel watching over me. I think I am kinda sad also because on the 19th my Mom will be gone 38 years. I so miss her as well. Oh well, now to share some happy moments here before I lose my readers. It's hard to believe I used to be a professional clown (pre stroke of course) ....
Beau has been with us for a year as of Valentine's Day and he is such fun and has settled in beautifully. Of course, there were a few things that he has done that he shouldn't have, but he was still in that puppy stage. He shows me such love and is truly turning into a great therapy dog. He came to me on the day of LOVE and that love continues on and on and on. I thank GOD daily for him and I truly believe Beau thanks for taking him in as a rescue and made him into a full fledged family member. He is just precious and he has a PERSONALITY.... let me tell you.
I am doing PT and OT now again since my last Brain Stem Stroke. I sm happy to share that those that have been praying for my site to return to my left eye.... keep those prayers going... I no longer am wearing my patch much. I had seen like three times the Specialist from the Wilmer Eye Institute ... my last visit with her she stated to my hubby and I that it was her "Professional" opinion that I was one hundred per cent blind and it was her "Professional" opinion it was irreversable. I asked her if I could plse have a second opinion ... she didn't care for that very much.... she had tested me and retested me during those three visits.. but, I explained that I was not trying to be rude, however, she has a license to practice but my Heavenly Physician is who I am trusting in as through his Stripes I can be healed. So, she gave me the Dr's name I was going to see. He was very far away and it seemed to take forever n a day... but we went. He put me through the "ringer" let me tell you. He told me there was a cyst on the back of the brainstem. There was a lot of damage since the first Brain Stem Stroke in 2003. I have lost all my perf vision... I have lost about ten to fifteen per cent of my brain and that is why there is fluid there. Seeing the MRI was truly shocking to me and Wayne. Every Specialist I have seen lately all say the same thing. They can't believe I am sitting in front of them... Their professional opinion is that I should be a "vegetable"... that with they are viewing I shouldn't be speaking, etc. My balance is way off ... thus the PT and OT. The one thing that I am experiencing which I just hate is the fact my memory is worse than before and also I cry and laugh at the drop of a hat. The Neuro said is was emotional liability. I'm trying not to beat myself up over all this. I am just so happy my site is doing much better in my left eye. I mean I was kinda a "cute" pirate but I truly didn't want to walk the plank. hehehe
I feel at least I can watch tv better than before and I get to share American Idol with a dear friend. I try to be thankful for what I still have vs what I have lost and like what I posted stated.... this journey is making me who and what I am. After all, Jesus was on the cross and I am no better than him. He wasn't even offered anything for pain. I still get headaches since this started but I take meds for that daily and it seems to keep things a float. I can't believe how many new Dr's I have seen since 12/19... I realize how blessed I am that I am even here... I just hope this is the last one I have. Maybe I should wear garlic around my neck to ward them off. hehehe
"Patience of spirit is better than haughtiness of spirit." - Ecclesiastes 7:8
To have patience with other people is one of life's greatest qualities.
In Lincoln, The War Years, Sandberg writes of Lincoln's patience with his cabinet in the most difficult days of American history. Many in his cabinet felt they were a whole lot smarter than the President. They made a point of letting other people know it, too. Some mocked and belittled him; one even call him a dumb gorilla. These words often got back to President Lincoln and his wife. She despised them; yet, he was incredibly patient. When he died, these same men realized they had served under one of the greatest Americans who had ever lived.
Patience with others is a Christ-like quality. Ask God for patience, but watch out if you do! God just might put some difficult people around you to try your patience. This is a part of learning patience, as well as an answer to your prayer. I guess I should end this Blog as my computer isn't doing really well.... the page keeps acting crazy (and no it isn't the Typist hehehe) Lenny, I must agree with you my friend, it has been healing to put my feelings down .... I might just have to do it again...
I try to keep an "Attitude List" daily and remember the good things in life.... I pray for those in need and keep my friends in my thoughts always. I am happy I can be a "Prayer Warrior".... I also get a kick when these new Specialists are all shocked that I have survived the Brain Stem Strokes. Like Helen Ready sang: I am Woman hear me roar... or I will survive by Gloria Gaynor.... I just sing" "Believe in Miracles and SOAR" or "There's nothing to it BUT to do it"... I pray for everyone always. God Bless and Happy Saint Paddy's Day to you.
Love n Hugs, Jan