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Confucius did not say



I still have so many funny jokes I can't post them all, here is one I was sent awhile ago!


CONFUCIUS did NOT say...


Man, who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.


Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.


Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired; man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.


"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"


Cute little sayings! :big_grin:


Illinois vs. Arizona, This is a money saver story when you read it, you'll understand!... :Clap-Hands:




The Governor of Illinois is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.


A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.


1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and


then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is



2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the


State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.


3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the


$200 testing it for diseases.


4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for


from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.


5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts


$100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.


6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote


program" for residents of the area.


7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat


and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.


8 The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.The


spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special


re:the nature of coyotes.


9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against







The Governor ofArizona is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A


jumps out and attacks the dog.


1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her State-issued pistol and keeps

jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a ..45 ACP hollow point cartridge.


2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.


And that, my friends, is why Illinois is broke and Arizona is not.

And there you have it…


I'm moving to Arizona! :rolleyes:


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