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It has been over a month.

ruthwilliam

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This transition to widowhood has been easier than expected.    That is because the good bye was a long one.  3 months before William died, my son, had come down to visit.  He told me that William was declining and suggested that I look into hospice.  I wasn't ready for that.  But it got me into really thinking about life without William.   So my good bye was a long one.   Then the month that I put him into hospice was the real  start of the end.  Everyday was like the last time that I might see William alive.   Especially when I had to put that hospital bed in the living room.  Then the last week was really hard.   That was when I afraid to leave the house because I felt that every breath was going to be the last one.  The good bye was soooo long.   I am so happy that William is out of this life.  He so wanted to get out of that hospital bed.  But, I was not able to get him out by myself.  I felt so bad.  I had been able to take care of him by myself when he was able to give me some help.  But at the end he could not help me anymore. 

I am taking classes at the community college,  taking bible studies and getting involved with the church.  I did start going to a different church because the one that I went to with William would hold too many memories.  I walk the dogs on long walks. I still go to the gym every morning.  I like to swim and started doing the machines this year.  The gym does not hold a lot of memories with William because he did not come but a few times.  It is freeing to be able to be out and about.  I no longer have to rush home and check on William. I don't have to stop and by him something special to eat.  I don't have to save part of my lunch for him to share.  I will be going on vacation with my son to Mexico.  in early November.  I will visit him at Thanksgiving and Christmas.   This will be the first time in 10 years that I have left the house and flown.  I am planning on going on a mission trip with the church to Mexico. in January.  I will go on the women's retreat also. I may possibly go on another mission trip to Kenya. It is so amazing that I can actually leave the house and do stuff.  Life is going on and sometimes I get a little sad.  But nothing like the 3 months before William died.   I will decide on when to move out to California with my son.  I am going to wait for a year then get my things together to move.  The last week that William was living was when I packaged up most of his things.  Now, I just have get myself together and get my clutter under control and start the process of moving.  

I have gotten a lot of the paperwork done.  This has coincided with my pension starting.  But, fortunately all of this paperwork has been mine to deal with for years.  But, I hate paperwork and procrastinate.    

It is amazing!   I am able to sleep at night.  THat last month was so hard.  I could not sleep at night.  William was always up and so was I.   I sometimes wake up at 1AM and then am able to fall back to sleep.  I am at peace.   When William was here, I had to very vigilant 24 hours of the day.  I did not sleep a lot.  I awoke at the least little movement or noise.  I just thank God that I am able to get a good night's sleep.     



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So pleased that you are at peace with his passing and are moving on with the things you wanted to do. It can be such a hard transition.

Hugs

-Heather

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Ruth, that's exactly what William would want for you...a life.

 

World Day of Prayer is in March, and it's my church's turn to host next year.

 

I'm on the committee and really enjoying the experience. 

 

A good night's sleep makes a huge difference, awesome news.

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Ruth :

 

I am so happy you are doing all right things to keep yourself busy with all things, that makes transition so easy & his long illness gave you opportunity to say goodbye & prepare you for future. I am sure William is watching over you & happy for you.

 

Asha

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I am glad you are having peaceful nights. Be sure to go slowly with packing etc you still need to keep the pace slow, to get adequate rest and eat well. Be blessed and happy Ruth.

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Peace that is, at the end, what we all want-- Im so glad you have that. William is at peace, you know where he is and he is OK, he doesn't need anything. Thank You So much for the update. Since his passing, I've checked a few times - Im so glad to have heard from you. Thinking of you..... NancyL

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Ruth you are an inspiration for me and I know many more here...a blessing to William. I'm so glad you are finding peace...and rest. 🙂

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