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Socializing and Lack There Of

tmciriani

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Since my stroke I have changed tremendously. I was always the extrovert social butterfly. Easily talking to anyone, making friends easily, sometimes dramatic lol...I enjoyed expressing myself. Today I am not that person anymore. I'm skiddish, awkward, easily startled, get stuck in silent mode when spoken to or stutter, a loner, don't like noise or movement or lights or the dark or people. ๐Ÿ˜ง I do love when my kitty is around me. I enjoy talking on the phone sometimes. I manage to enjoy my local stroke group meetings with about 15-20 others. I occasionally go out to eat with my mom and step dad and usually with a small group after support meeting. I don't "hang out" though, visit others, "go out", only shop for what I need at smaller stores (no mall visiting). I don't really have "friends". I'm the epitome of anti-social. I stay in my bedroom with the door closed a lot (I live with my dad and stepmom while going through the disability process). I am often silent. My dad says I should get out, have some fun, meet new people. I told him I don't want to go out and be around people or noises. I like being alone. It's easier that way. But something happened lately. A man in my stroke support group sent me a pm on Facebook. We have exchanged pm's quite a few times since that day. He knows my sister and he knew my brother that passed earlier this year. He and I know many of the same people. He even asked my cousin (we both have her as a friend on Facebook) about me and she said I would be a great person to talk with. He is funny, handsome, had his stroke 5 years ago, goes to eat with us after our meetings, grew up in the exact same area in Nashville that I lived and worked in for 10 years. We have a lot in common. ๐Ÿ˜ฒ I am socially...weird, awkward, terrible at, clumsy, terrified. ๐Ÿ˜ I say things that are goofy, in my opinion inappropriate (not in a bad way just bad timing). I told him last week that I was Facebook stalking him, laughed and then said not really I'm just looking at your pictures. ๐Ÿ˜ซ Who says that? It's like I'm an immature 15 year old tripping over her words. He has not answered me since I sent a message on Friday. So my head makes up all these scenarios to worry about...he just talked to me in a pm...what scenarios ๐Ÿ˜ฌ... he didn't ask me to go out. I'm freaking for no reason other than my brain making a mountain out of hill. I talk to myself saying Tracy he is just a nice person who talked to you...he's a friend...relax. ๐Ÿ˜ญ This sucks!!! I feel like a dork or at least a social dork. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ I just needed to vent and practice my social skills lol. Thanks for listening.



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you are not a dork... I'll agree with you as a social dork because I'm standing along with you there ๐Ÿ˜‰ย 

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oh yes I'm a member of that club too.ย  Just do what feels right for you. It can be nice to have a male friend, it doesn't have to be more than talk

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9 hours ago, tmciriani said:

Heather that is what I am standing by. He is my friend and we like to talk sometimes. My brain can conjure up all sorts of scenarios. Part of my social dorkiness. My CCAS issue from my stroke causes unfounded thought patterns, paranoia, unrealistic beliefs...it is disturbing and enough to scare even the most understanding person away. ๐Ÿ˜ณ So he and I are only friends and that's all I'm going to say about that. LOL

** Mic drop**ย ๐ŸŽค

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I accidently deleted Tracy's post, the one I quoted, sorry . I meant to do only mine and I stepped in dog poo.. oops sorryย 

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On 11/29/2018 at 1:33 PM, ksmith said:

I accidently deleted Tracy's post, the one I quoted, sorry . I meant to do only mine and I stepped in dog poo.. oops sorryย 

Kelli you are the sweetest. Sorry about the dog poo! ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ˜ท

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One of my besties is a boy.

Luckily he married a girl I'd known for years.

My friendship with them is such an easy going one, I'd be lost without it.

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