• entries
    785
  • comments
    3,655
  • views
    218,893

Thank you Steve Mallory


swilkinson

94 views

Why are you still on Strokenet my friends ask me. Why are you still talking about stroke nearly eight years after Ray died? Why haven't you moved on with your life? Well I have moved on but moving on does not mean you have to move away from those things that have been valuable to you in the past. . And to me Strokenet has been of huge value in my life and the lives of Ray and my family. Discovering Strokenet made a big difference to the way I lived my life, dealt with Ray's strokes and came out the other side as a whole and wholly changed person. Without Strokenet I am not sure I would be here at all.

 

As always I am grateful for this site which I found when Ray's health problems were starting to overwhelm me and it helped me in caring for him as stroke after stroke happened. It was five years on in my care for him when I found this site. The women and men I met on here really gave me the strength to go on. All the stroke survivors seemed so brave despite the mighty blows that were struck against them and the stroke caregivers showed such courage in the face of ever changing circumstances that somehow they gave me the courage to go on. That gave me the will to do what I had to do and somehow, despite the great changes in our lives, to carry on.

 

What a wonderful example they were to me and I am really thankful to all I met here. A lot are gone from this site now as regular contributors but a few are still friends on my Facebook page so our relationship continues. We helped each other to understand what we're going through in our seperate and sometimes quite different lives. Through our posts on the forums we learned so many different aspects of coping with strokes. At first I was timid about joining chat but when I did I was amazed by what I learned from that. We were all so different but also had so much in common. Principally the changes that stroke bring into the lives of all the family members and how to cope with that without going mad.

 

Among other things I learned from my early  days in chat was to listen to people and try to understand where they were coming from. Among other things being with the survivors gave me a look into Ray's way of seeing life, something he was unable to articulate. I think the survivors taught the caregivers to slow down on demanding progress and their need for things to return to normal and the caregivers taught the survivors to understand the fatigue that comes with doing so many different jobs we were unaccustomed to doing and the strain that brings. Maybe that gave us the strength to go on. I know for me taking over the outside jobs on top of all the nursing and house wifely tasks was really wearing me down back then.

 

My first chat hosting started about a year after I came on here and I did a general chat so met countless survivors and a handful of caregivers, caregivers often being too busy to come onto chat. The time difference means that I was talking to people in the early evening from my early morning the following day which sometimes led to a strange situation as I discussed winter happening while you, my northern friends, were in the middle of summer. As time went by caregivers asked for their own chat and in changing over to host Caregiver Chat I began my relationship with some really inspiring  men and women, some of whom became lifelong friends despite our being such a great distance apart.

 

I became Blog Moderator when Asha stepped down from that job. That is why I am still here almost eight years since Ray's passing. I feel I can still make a contribution to the site. Through the blogs I have learned to see life through other people's eyes. To follow their journeys through their ups and downs, through life to death in some cases with the caregivers and from devastation to a new way of living with the survivors. It has been a great privilege to have accompanied people on their journey in this way. Of course people I have become fond of have left the site, that is inevitable as they progress and  maybe can no longer relate to the newbies or no longer need the support provided here. It is sad to lose touch with people I had grown to love and respect but that too is part of life.

 

I am here not because I am a big contributor, not because I am a person who needs the support myself now as I did when I came here so long ago but because of one person, Steve Mallory the founder of this site. Steve is an inspiration, badly stroke effected himself he dreamed a concept of helping others way beyond his field of influence. While chatting, blogging or just reading on this site we sometime forget that he designed the site and still funds it. We reap the benefits of his foresight, his determination to improve the lives of other stroke survivors and their caregivers. Steve is the forgotten man sometimes but without him none of us would be here.

 

So THANK YOU Steve from the bottom of my heart.

9 Comments


Recommended Comments

Sue :

 

very beautifully written blog. I am also still here after 16 years being on this site. I found this site exactly after 9 months of looking feverishly for some kind of  online support for young person like me who had young family at home & had pretty decent career or job which kept me happy & suddenly in an instant my identification of how I view myself was in shambles & I did not know where to turn & I found this great site with active survivors & caregivers I could relate to at some extent. I  had great supporting but not expressive spouse who will never tell me what were the troubles he was going through to keep our  family intact. while I was going through my own despair, talking with caregivers & reading their blogs made me realize what my hubby must be going through & what I can do to ease his burden. I still remember distinctly reading one of the caregivers blogs describing amount of phone-calls she had to make for doctors appt & other things.  I learned that day & have still followed same principle in our home, I got to do what I can still do  by following safety, which means it is one less thing for my hubby  to worry about, that principle alone has helped me feel good about my post stroke life & feeling less of a burden on any of my family.  I still give full credit to this site & all mentors & people I have met here, has made huge quality of difference in my life & that's why I am still here paying it forward earlier as blog moderator & now as chat-host

 

Asha

 

Link to comment

Here may be a surprise response as I am one of those many who drifted away from Strokenet.  Even still, certain blogs are delivered to my email regularly including yours, Sue.  I want to add my thank you to Steve.  The support and especially the education I received here changed my life.  My husband stroked nearly 16 years ago.  He had fewer abilities than a new born then but though hard work he was able to walk, talk and care for himself when left alone for short periods of time.  Overtime he began declining and experienced caregivers (especially you Sue and Ann) diagnosed his vascular dementia when the doctors could not see it.  Dick spent the end of his life in a nursing home.  This week it will have been four years since his death.  Dick's post stroke life mirrored Ray's in many ways only in fewer years.  In August of 2018, my father had a stroke.  I diagnosed it over the phone.  His stroke was much milder but his decline more rapid.  He passed away in July last years.  I had no time to turn to StrokeNet during those days.  Overnight I became caregiver to not only my father but my mother as well.  It meant selling both homes and moving across the state line.  Still the education I aquired from the faithful here helped me through those times.  I still talk about you, Sue.  My mother loves to hear updates from Australia.  So a great big THANK YOU to you.  You done good. 

Ruth

Link to comment

I am also thankful for the work Steve and others put into this site.  Looking through some of the older stuff learning different things to try.  Interesting how everyone copes and deals with the events of a stroke.  

Link to comment

Ruth so lovely to hear from you. As you know I looked after my Dad and Mum too. Like me you had those tough years. So glad you keep up with some of the blogs on here. If you have time do one final blog so we old hands catch up with how you are doing in life after being a long time caregiver.

Link to comment

Sue,

 

I can't agree with you more. He is a true inspiration. I have been lucky enough to meet him twice and he and Missy are genuinely two of the most amazing people I've met.  Without him, not giving up after his stroke, I don't know where I'd be today. The people I've come across over my time here have helped shape me into the person I am and that would not be possible without Steve. I have nothing but respect for him and for everyone here.

 

 Thank you Steve

Link to comment

Absolutely! This site has been a life saver, everyone gets it.

 

I've been thinking of Steve the last few days.

 

Does anyone know how he's going?

 

💚👑

Link to comment

Absolutely agree. Stroke net brought knowledge and the feeling of not alone. Some one had don't this before, so it can be done. I met lifetime friends on the stroke net, all  thanks to Steve M and the wonderful contributors and mentors on stroke net. 

Link to comment

True and because of Steve we think in terms of recovery rather than just having a stroke and losing  lives. I have met so many wonderful people because of my husband Ray having his strokes, I never would have thought that so much good could have come out of what were always such traumatic events. That is why we say stroke survivors rather than victims here. It does give you a different perspective on life for sure.

 

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.