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The Seamy Side of Stroke


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Yup day before Christmas and I'm slumming. I am having a bad day.Lots of dark thoughts and I even went and dug the bodies up, they didn't stay buried long enough.

My daughter was over this morning for a whopping 45 minutes, we went outside and she was sliding down the icey snow covered hill on her butt. I was doing my mommy thing and dutifully watching, and clapping and cheering her on and it hit me. I'm missing so much of her daily life. But sometimes it can't be helped and whether I live 800 miles away or around the corner, I'm not there. I'm replaced, out of sight, forgotten.

That was what hurt the most after having a stroke, how easily I was replaced in my own life and I watched it all happen powerless from my wheelchair. I don't like it any better 4 years later then I did when I first stroked. But no sense crying over spilt milk. It happened, it sucked, it hurt but life goes on. Please, no well meaning sentiments involving God, that would make me vomit.

 

And yeah I'll add this afterthought. This is a pity party for me and I know I was married to a Di** head and not everything is stroke related, I know that.

Maybe I should just air my grievances here, against vegetables, the unfairness of life and X husbands.

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Sister Pam, you could never be replaced by anyone or anything!

 

here's to airing grievences against:

 

1) d****head ex-husbands;

2) people that tell you to trust in god when you don't have their belief system;

3) sucky luck;

4) the fact that Mallomars are not available in all areas 365 days a year. i will FedEx you a box on Tuesday when i know that they won't be held in an office for 4 days and arrive a melted mess.

 

sandy cloud9.gif

pash.gifpash.gif

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Sister Sandy,

Aaaawwww you're the best sister any girl could have, only you besides mom understands how Mallowmars would go a very long way to making one feel so much better. I know have visions of chocolate cups the size of Reese's filled with marshmallow dancing in my head.

Pam

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Mallomars for Pam, Ding Dongs for Cindy, chocolate martinis for Sandy, chocolate raspberry truffles for me....what more prove does anyone need that we're all related?

 

Jean

 

 

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Pam, I'm glad someone shares my feelings about god-platitutes.it makes me mad everytime someone tells me "god loves you." bullshit! f--- him! I have overwhelming proof that that's not so. best of holiday to you(and everyone else)Ed

 

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You ask your daughter out of sight out of mind.....dont think so.I dis agree 800 miles will make a huge diffence. No daughter popping round for 45 mins. It will have to be a vacation.

Just my thoughts.

 

Yea life sucks at the moment, but your kids do need you.

 

Mary

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hey Pam:

 

I don't think u r forgotton by your kids, who cares if sumbhead moved on, but ur kids do need you and still loves you. kids r most wonderful people in whole wide world, with so much short term memory problem and forgive us so easily, don't judge us parents they just love them no matter what, and I bet today is better day for u, I know for sure u r quite strong personality to overcome small pity parties, So many things I still need to learn

 

get up and fight buddy life still goes on.if chocolate works for u then eat those.

 

lots of love

Asha

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