acceptance or what?

[ksaul]

Well, hubby sat me down last night to have a serious chat. He is concered cause I have not been hanging out with my old friends since moving back to MA. He, on the other hand, is out with old buddies, his son, son in law etc. Playing tennis, out to dinner, the local pub. I have always been a siciable person and have kept track of friends throughout the different stages of life. I guess he right but I am quite comfortable at home these days. The first few years after the stroke I mourned being out and about with friends. This year I let friends'' birthdays pass by without sending cards and I am not always following up on emails and such. I am not depressed! I just feel okay by myself doing the things I enjoy. I still get out to the library and see the kids and grandson - I just don't have the strength it takes to hang out with people. Hubby wants to visit the Boston MFA ....one of my favorite museums. I cringe at the thought of the trip up to Boston and all the stimulation - I know it will do me in for days.

 

Has anyone else reached this point? Is it acceptance of what I can comfortably do or do I need to challenge myself more? thanks! kathy

 

 

 

[amie_1]

being a caregiver and not a survivor,

 

I would say you know your body best, what it can and can't do. But, I think WE not just survivors but everyone has to push themselves a little bit to do more. I think there comes a time when we are comfortable with out lives in our "safe" zone and we stop doing things that we would like to do but might be a little hard and require a bit more effort for us to do it.

 

It sounds like your husband is worried about you and wants to do things together. Start out small maybe and work up to the museum.

 

 

sorry if this is rambly....lol

 

hugs Anne

[dstraugh]

Kathy,

 

As a fellow survivor, I know for me, the "comfort zone" thing has become quite prevalent. I'm even leery to go anywhere without kiddo by my side as she knows so well how to help me when I need help. Not that anyone else wouldn't assist me but it's a trust thing for me.

 

It's great you get out to go to the library - perhaps as Anne said, build up to the museum trip. As you build confidence it'll get easier for you. I'm going to try to step out of my comfort zone as well - wish we lived closer, we could do it together.

[AllanWilliams]

Hi Kathy

We all have our own comfort zones and I enjoy mine, If you feel up to a challenge then do it otherwise do what your body says, (I will not be forced into doing something i will feel uncomfortable with unless it is going to do me some good) but thats me and everybody is different, maybe that is just a way of saying do not be pushed into doing something that you will be unhappy with you have to bear the consequences. Like what has been said on this site numerous times, others have not walked in our steps and until they do they should be more tolerant of our feelings

 

Best wishes

 

Allan

[kanderson]

kathy, i am the same way. we do have to push ourselves alittle more to get out post stroke i think. i look forward to any outing i get to do but i also fear it, like donna. my comfort zone is at home and unless someone is with me that knows the help i need, its alittle scary. but as anne said, maybe hubby wants to do more things with you. the museum sounds like alot of fun and interesting. i say go for it, knowing you can rest up after its over if you need too. use your wc if you need to to help you enjoy the outing more. that would be alot of walking around.

have some fun and let us know how it goes if you decide to do it. start out slow if you need to, build up to it.

[Julie Craig]

I sympathize. It is so exhausting to go out of your routine. Fri. I had PT in morning. then that afternoon we unexpectedly had to go to a CPS meeting w/ social workers re: my 4 year old nephew=Benjamin... it was quiet and respectable and yet heart rendering...will share in hopes your problems seem not sooo big,,,,,:

I have been very upset by this and needed to share.sooooooooo.thanks for listening:Tues. night,July 15? at 12:30 at NIGHT a cop picked up Benjamin running around in the street at a huge intersection in Fresno

[brain2005]

Hi Kathy... this is a very good question. I long ago tired of trying to be something I was NOT since the stroke. There is nothing left to prove to non-survivors who neither understand nor empathize with me. This is especially true for family, my wife, etc. WE - you and I - did the time; we have been to the Dark Side. Today, I do what I can and am happy doing. To Thine OWN Self Be True!! The Life and Sanity You Save Could be YOURS! Hugs, WALTER

[myhome]

I push out of the bubble/comfort zone all the time, I think you need to. Life isn't just about staying at home where you feel safe. We ( my wife and I ) flew into two of the biggest airports in the US (Chicago and Miami) and navigated them both with cane and wheelchair, then went on a cruise which was really out of my element. You have to push the envelope once in awhile, and if you're like me, you may be a wreck for a few days after but wouldn't it really be all worth it?

[aanaruk]

Hello Kathy -

You ask an interesting question. One could answer it in any number of ways, but it will, in the end, all come down to you challenging yourself with the question - is this something we need? In the past, I'd have said the question is " ... is this something I need ... " but since suffering my stroke, and being brought back by family, doctors, my wife and God, I have to acknowledge the impact others have had on my recovery.

about a week and a half ago, my grand daughters came to visit. Well, so did our son and our daughter in law, but they were just escorts (grandpa grin inserted here). They wanted to see the rocky mountains via rocky mountain national park. I allowed as how that would involve a lot of up and down hill walking, and "grampa's weak left side" just wouldn't allow that. Well after many discussions and maybe even arguments we went anyway. Frankly, I discovered there was more in me than I thought. I managed some pretty steep hills, both up and down, and even managed to walk in some places where the footing was not so secure. That was maybe the best trip I ever took with my grand daughters, even beating all hollow two days when we took them to disney world (pre-stroke).

Only you know how much you want to put up with the fatigue factor, but I will say that moving out of your comfort zone sometimes pays big benefits!

 

 

axel

[Montana Survivor]

Yes , I too became a stay at home hermit after coming home from the hospital. I felt inferior to others. I am right handed, and my stroke paralized my right side. I was forced to use my left hand for everything. As such I always made a mess when I ate. So eating out became a non event. Whenever I was forced to eat out I always tried to get a table near the restrooms so I could immediately clean up. Then I went to a stroke support group breakfast and learned there were others like me. From then on I no longer felt so selfconsious. I began forcing myself to go out more and more. Now you can't keep me home. I learned we need the interactions of others to help us improve faster. I also learned that most people just want to help you.You know it even makes me feel pampered when I let them, and I always say thank you.

 

So please don't become a home body get out and get into life. I even volunteer at our local hospital and visit with new stroke survivors and their caregivers. You too could do this. Its good to be active and on the go. Don't give up.

[givincare]

Hi Kathy,

Just wondering, if you had been keeping up with emails and b-day cards post stroke but stopped this year, why? Maybe your husband is worried that, even though you are content now, if in the future you decide you want to socialize more, maybe it will be too late to re-connect with them. Sending cars and emails don't make you to leave the comforts of home (except to buy and mail the cards possibly) and hopefully wouldn't wear you out too much. And maybe you could invite a friend over to your house from time to time so you don't have to fight the outside world while keeping your husband satisfied that you are keeping a friend in your inner circle. As they say, you can never have too many friends. Don't isolate yourself too much. You never know when you night need them, or when they might need you.

 

 

Kristen

[kirby]

Hi,

I've had the same question put to me. It's been 4 1/2 years since my stroke and I find that if I really want to do something I can but if I don't think the event is worth the effort I don't go. I think it's ok to choose not dealing with the concequences if it's something you don't want to do or the effort is too much. Even if it's something you used to like doing, you might not now, people change. Or find something that isn't so taxing to do instead. A smaller closer museum that doesn't involve so much walking and a long trip to get there.

After my stroke I was VERY selfconscious and needed to be with someone to feel safe. That unsure feeling goes awayafter a while. It's just not a big deal anymore.

It's really the energy thing for me. Do I really think it's worth it to make time and nap before I go somewhere and be tired after and risk falling, ect. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. It depends. I've gone cross country on trips but other times not gone to dinner with friends because I was too tired.

It takes a while to recover and see where your limits are. Don't rush it, listen to yourself.

Maggie

[bstockman]

Hi Kathy, prestroke I worked.. so I was always on the gooo.>>>>>

 

I have cooked a few holiday dinners post stroke, but most of the time either step son or sister in law have them. I always take/bake something.

 

So I guess. do what is important to you. I still want Happy Family memories for grandkids... niece and nephews... I enjoy the times when I go, and I know I will be "pooped" for a few days.

 

I have a girlfriend we get together.. she has some health issues also.. so our times are quiet lunches... just visiting.

 

so pick and choose what you want to do ... a movie with friends a lunch. It doesn't have to be a 10 hour shopping marathon. You may be surprise also the more you are around people, they get used to your deficits and will help if you need it, or just like everythig is the same.. you just have to give people a chance to know the new you. The same as we had to learn to know us and adapt to do things.

 

Friends will offer help, If I need it I say so .. If not, no thanks i can do it.

 

I think some of the issue is getting comfortable and let our selves be

 

Then there are days I am tired.. and I want to home... but choose what you want to do

 

hugs, Bonnie

[hrotzal]

Hi Kathy,

 

I say go for it. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband who cares about you a lot. Yes it may tire you out for a few days afterword, but think of the wonderful memories you 2 will create. If needed take along a wheelchair or rent one at the museum, this way you will not have to walk as much. It is easy for us to get into our comfort zones. I try to challenge myself every chance I get. You will be surprised at what you can accomplish.

Been There Done That. Challenge Yourself

 

Best Wishes

Hank