Jump to content
alyh527

Meeting people after stroke?

Recommended Posts

I had met someone right before my stroke, and he broke things off once if happened. Now if seems no one want to talk to or have a relationship because of it...any advice or anyone go through this as well?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest hostwill

DEAR ALY,

I'M SORRY THIS HAD TO HAPPEN TO YOU. DON'T GIVE UP! i MET MY WIFE ON THE INTERNET AND SHE DOESN'T SEE MY DISABILITIES. THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR YOU. THIS I BELIEVE WITH ALL MY HEART. THE GUY YOU MET, IT WAS HIS LOSS AND THERE IS SOMEONE LOOKING JUST FOR YOU. I'LL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS.

-WILL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you will. I am back in the hospital. Not sure what is wrong yet. Please pray.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey I haven't had that experience since my stroke days but my friend on here that I call my little sister (CagedBird) has definitely had the experience like you! She was much younger than you when her stroke occurred so I suggest contacting her and the two of you can talk! You can send her a message here by clicking on her name. She is active on the board and she can give you her email! If you can't get in touch with her let me know!

Fred!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HI I JOINED A STROKE SUPPORT GROUP THAT WAS IN MY AREA AND HAVE MET ABOUT 20 NEW STROKE PEOPLE OR CAREGIVERS THERE. THIER NICE, FUNNY SUPPORTIVE AND NON JUDGMENTAL. WE MET ONCE A WEEK AND SIT THERE AND TALK OR GO OUT TO EAT..WE PILE ON A BUS TO TO,,OR HAVE PARTY'S, CELEBRATE BIRTHDAYS ETC.I WAS SO NERVOUS TO GO AND JOIN. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT OR SEE HOW ILL BE JUDGED! BUT IM SO GLAD I JOINED. PATTY

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aly,

It hasn't been that long since you had your stroke. You are still learning who yiou are now. I am going to gicve you the advice that you don't want to see/read/hear. Right now, you don't need to be lookingh for a relationship. You don't even know who you are right now. You don't know what you can bring to a relationship.

 

You need to take the next 6 months to learn the little things that are going to be different for you from now on. Once you are better aquainted with Aly Now, you can decide 2 very important things;

1. What you have to bring to a relationship and what you have to be careful of

 

2. What kind of a man you want to be with now.

 

Believe it or not, you might realize that the type of man/relationship you envisioned pre-stroke will no longer work for you post-stroke.

 

I know what I am talking about. 2 months ago, a little more than a year after my first stroke, and almost a year after my 2nd stroke, the man I had been with for 8 years left me because I have been left with the early stages of multi-infarct dementia, something we didn't know until right before he left.

 

I put myself back out there and I am finding that a lot of guys can't or don't want to handle a relationship for the same reason my husband left. Others find out about that and "just want to be friends." So, I am taking things slowly.

 

You need to do the same.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aly,

I agree with Acevedo. Right now just focus on getting better. If you see your stroke as a weakness, other guys will too. but once you become comfortable with who you are, they may feel more comfortable too. I am not saying you must wait 10 years to meet a good guy. I am just saying when you first have a stroke you go through so many changes physically mentally and emotionally. I was left with every physical stroke effect (except speech) sfter my stroke so I felt like I had nothing to offer a guy. After getting rejected so many times that made it worse but if you learn yourself first, and highlight your strengths, it will be easier for you to highlight those strengths to people you meet in the future. It does not matter what paralysis you have or whatever stroke affects you may be left with. What matters is what you can do despite those defects and once you can believe that, others will see your confidence and believe it too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello. My dear friend is a pontine stroke survivor. I say dear friend but I really want to say boyfriend. We were acquaintances who ran back into each other online after his stroke. We've been chatting and we've hung out. I really like him a lot and I don't care anything about his stroke effects. I just want to be there for him. So don't worry. Someone will love you for you. The person who left was just getting out of the way for that great guy who is gonna see you as the greatness you are!! <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm know how hard it is to meet someone new after something like this. It's so easy to say love is blind.. yes but the reality is some people don't want to fee obligated to someone they know will need help for the rest of their lives. It takes a strong person to see past the " differences".

A dear friend of mine who has since passed on, had the same problem. I was fortunate to meet my husband before and he has gone through the stroke process with me. I like how Will meet his wife on line, Then they can learn to love the person before the stroke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aly, I know that this must be very painful to you. Try putting it into perspective: Until you have a strroke, or care for someone who does, you have no idea what a stroke involves. If someone would reject you before he got to know you, that is someone you do not want to have a relationship with. Let's say that there were something you could do to keep him from rejecting a relationship rt from the start. Sooner or later, he would learn how a stroke can affect you both physically and mentally. What then? You have enough on your plate now. And if you get into a relationship, it needs to be with someone who is as strong as you are. I think that everyone above gave you great advice. I hope you take it to heart. Becky P.S. Iwas sorry to hear of your hospitalization. Hope they find out soon what the problem is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

aly like u i was n relationship at time of my stroke n she left me after learning my diagnosis while i was still n hospital. i was 22 then n now im 30 and still find it remarkably difficult to meet new people. although my physical stature may be bereft, i am still quite smart, charismatic n funny but most women could care less once they see im n wheelchair. the best advice i can give u is to become comfortable n confident with the new u and n time someone will see the true u and b like wow ive found a diamond n the rough.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aly,

I agree with everyone also and I'm taking that advice myself. As much as I want to have someone in my life right now I know that deep down I'm not ready so I'm going to take this time to focus on me. I know that I would be selfish right now because I've been through a lot and would not be as sensitive to the other person's needs and that wouldn't be fair to him or anybody else for that matter. I need a lot of comforting and encouragement on a regular basis just so I can keep things in perspective and that's asking a lot of a person. So now it's a lot of me time to work out my issues and so not being involved is helping me to work things out.

And my me time consists of listening to inspirational books and songs, daily prayer, watching a lot of comedies to make me laugh, and meditating to relax my mind and body from undue stress so that I can be that bubbly cheerful person that I used to be.

Pam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aly,

 

I have nothing to say since everyone was spot-on, except that I was in a relationship with this guy that came to visit me in the hospital, so I pegged him as a good guy, but I now I think he just visited me because I was vulnerable and he tthought he could "get me" then. That's A. B., I was cra-zy. Thinking and saying things I wouldn't do or say (unless I was PMSing hardcore). I ended up kicking him out of my house and we promptly broke up afterward.

 

I am fine being alone. I know someday I'll be myself, and iin the meantime, I can focus on getting better. I AM better, now (not as crazy!). It's good being alone for a little bit. Be alone for a little while. Then you'll be better armed to go out there!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

honestly, let's face it ..if the situation would be opposite not too many of us would stay with our bf/gf after their stroke. People like to show off their bf/gf so their friends/family would admire them or be jealous.That's how we are ( at least some of us). I gave up on relationships .. I can barely walk so forget it about dating etc. You can have the best heart in the world and be a wonderful person but we don't have much to impress an opposite sex. However , as much as I would like to have another person with whom I could share my life,I really don't want to hear any name calling during fight. My soon to be ex wife called me a cripple and it wasn't too pleasant to hear that. I am sorry for a cruel truth but that's how I feel now.(exceptions are of course possible and I wish you all to find such person) :mp3:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's been a while since I have been on here. I am 8 months out since my stroke and almost back to "normal". My new normal at least. I feel as though people still see me as broken, and they feel that they can use me because of it. I have to say one thing though. My stroke was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned so much about myself. So so much. I will post more about this elsewhere. I am still single, but I am learning everyday new things about myself, and realize that I do want differant things now then I did before Stroke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

my name is Bill I had a stroke in June of 2011 I prayed when I had my stroke that God would not let me die and even though the doctors said that it was a miracle that I didn't die the stroke was so massive I should be severally disabled with a lot of therapy I regained use of my left hand and left leg and can walk without any assistance i said all of ttell you how much God loves all of us I will be praying that the right guy will come into your life I hope you get out of the hospital soon I was 6 weeks in the hospital an 4 months in health care facilities nursing homes etc. for rehab I know its not fun just have faith that better days are ahead

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Aly, wwelcome to the site. It is not easy to meet a special someone after a stroke. To start with we are not outside in the world like we were prestroke and no one will come knocking. Another reason is our self confidence. If we give the impression we are victims rather than survivors, it shows and people stay away. You need perseverence too, it took me 21 years before I met mr, Right though there were a lot of mr, right now along the way. When the time is right, you will meet someone as well. In the mean time, get out there and live your life, have fun, celebrate the fact that you survived. I wish you all the best,

 

mc

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like that one, going through the Mr Right Now's while waiting for Mr Right. I guess that's where I am now. Got a few of them waiting but don't know who Mr Right is. I'm going to take my time because I don't need anymore Mr Wrong's that's for sure.

 

Pam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am only 8 month post stoke, but I can tell you that meeting new people is a real stressor for me right now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 22 years old and nearly 3 years post-stroke. I am finally starting to wonder about relationships again.

I have made some attempts with people around my age and they all are scared away when they find out about my health issues or when I have a complication (I suffer frequent seizures).

As strange as it may sound, I think the right person would have to be another survivor of serious illness, someone who understands life the way I do now, who can fully understand what I've been through and am still fighting. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Thanks, Em

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I completely agree because ..see my post above .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really thank you for starting this conversation. Believe it or not. I am running into the same problem right now. I had my stroke just over three years ago, and am finding it almost impossible to make new friends, let alone find a partner.

 

Shortly after I came home from my intensive raheb at Quality Living Incoraporated (Q.L.I) I made a dating profile on eHarmony's lesbian site. (I'm bisexual, and have not had a girlfriend yet. I figured that dating women would be the best idea since my stroke, because women can sympathize better than men usually can) I put in the description of myself first thing that I had a stroke when I was 21 and guess what...I did not get a single response or message from any of the women on that site! That really hurt my feelings.

 

I'm honestly hoping to find someone really soon, since I believe that three years is enough time to have waited since my stroke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi all, I'm going to throw my two cents out there. I was getting married when I had my stroke (10 years ago) and I ended up divorcing (not just because of stroke) and I focused on myself not caring about relationships. In time ( a couple of years later) I met the man of dreams, and we have been married for 7 years. There can be a happy ending but be patient with yourselves and focus on you first and foremost. You have to heal and love yourself again before you can love another. I pray that you will all find someone to share your life with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×