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rose72450

moods swings and frustration

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hi everyone,

it's been awhile since i posted anything on here since last i have gotten my apetite back. not fully but alot more then it was. but the mood swings are outragious. i'm on xanax and zoloft and neither seems to be helping with my panic/aniexty i get so frustated so easy with anything and everything. especially when i can't do alot of things on my own like i used to. i have basically confined myself to my bedroom i cry over the littliest things and then i get frustrated again because i really don't know why i'm crying. i know the people in my life don't understand why i push them away.i just can't handle being around more than 5 people at a time.i have no energy anymore and get tired very quickly/ it's been 2 yrs since my stroke and it feels like yesterday.. any advice would be greatly appreciated.i'm willing to try anything i'm at the end of my rope..:(

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Well Rose,

 

I certainly hope you are really, really ready to listen to a person who has been struggling for 8 years and being a man used to doing everything anytime but now all that came to a halt! I do the things I can with one hand, I use a cane, a scooter and the one thing I love is I can drive and see pretty good! ALL the rest, hey I had a stroke and I'm still alive to be with family and the very few friends I got left!! The real thing is I still got my wife and family members, kids and grand kids too!

 

Crying your eyes out won't help a darn thing so accept this fact: there are many things you used to do but can't do good any more! However you got life and that's free! Only you can confine what you do or where you go or be around! On top of all that you are not the only person who had a stroke so by joining this community group you got other people your age men and women that is facing the same thing as you but over time many of us has learned to overcome what has happened to us!!

 

Try being happy with yourself and what you can do where some others may not be able! A lady friend for years had a stroke and she is blinded enough to carry a white stick but she and her husband comes to church each Sunday and are thankful she is alive and got her husband and kids!

 

Be thankful to God you are still alive and are probably not the worse off as you think you are! So you need a little help to do personal things or you learn a way to do it one handed as you have for the last two years! I smile every day I wake up and see day light because I got meds for pains and doctors to see if I get worse! I'm breathing air and taking my time to live my life as best I can with what I got left from the stroke!!

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Rose,

What might help is to discuss this with your doctor. Maybe part of it may be that Zoloft and Xanax aren't the right meds for you. They weren't for me and when we switched to something else there was a big improvement. I see that you're coming up on a year, and that plays a part too. Seems I started to level out at just a little over a year.

 

I didn't and still don't do well in large crowds or with lots of sensory stimulation and it upset family and me. I was always out-going and animated. I even found people who knew me before stroke would get angry or annoyed with me because I was no longer the life of the party. Lots of survivors will tell you that evens out in time, but it hasn't for me yet. I have, however, learned better how to manage it without shutting myself away completely...and it is getting better than it was.

 

Being here, hearing what other survivors have been through and how they handled it was/is a major part of what has helped me. I hope you will too.

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hi rose :

 

I am sorry you are going through difficult time even after 2 years, I think what I learnt in my post stroke journey which helped me deal with new me.

for me realising I am not alone in this journey & focusing on things I can still do, I learnt quickly happiness is a choice and state of mind, & when I stay depressed it affected my family who chose to stay in this ride with me, & it felt unfair to let my 7 year old son suffer due to my depression was major turning point for me.

1. start writing 5 things you are greatful for every day in your gratitude journal

2. start getting involve in online suport group( which is right here) in the form of blogging or chatroom( that will make you feel less alone.

3. don't compare yourself to prestroke, but compare yourself to day after stroke & you will realise how far you have come

 

read good books like when bad things happen to good people & many similar.

 

I stroked at age 34 which paralysed on my left side & retired me from the job I loved, I never thought I will find joy in living again, but I did, today after 8 years I can srongly say & view my stroke as bump in my life's journey, it made me slow down & enjoy the scenary, though it was hard work at first, today I feel my life is still good just little different.

 

 

Asha ( now 42 year old survivor)

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i want to thank you all for your responses... it's hard when you see people doing things you used to do and have to sit on the sidelines.i am thankful i'm alive but yet a lil angry as well. but i guess god has plans for me and maybe he felt i could handle this.i'm always usually a happy person but since the stroke that changed everything did. i push myself in the gym daily to get bk even half of what i had and people around don't understand they just get upset. only my husband understandsi had the stroke only 5 mos. after we married and he was in norway at the time. i'm truly blessed to have him in my life.ty all for sharing your stories. i guess i need to just push forward and live with what i have....do the best i can

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Rose,

 

Please understand that I feel your pain, as I am in the same emotional rollercoaster that you are on right now. I think Jaime is right. Your first step should be to talk to your doc about your meds. There are many and if the first one or two or three don't work, keep trying new ones till you find one that does help you. I have been crying alot because I want to be able to do the things that I used to do and just can't do anymore. And I am having a hard time relying on my family to "pick up my slack" and having a lot of guilt because of that. I know I waited WAY too long to start the meds, should have done that six months ago, as I have only been on them for a couple of weeks and THINK they are starting to help a LITTLE bit. I still have a long way to go though.

 

One thing that I am certain will help you is visiting this site and posting often. There is nothing like being able to communicate with other people who have been through what you are going through and that has been one of the ONLY things that has made me feel better. Just take it one day at a time, or like me some days one hour at a time, and you will get through it. Hopefully you and me both will find some way to be at peace with the "new" us and be looking back several years from now and be glad we were able to overcome it. I sure do hope we end up like Fred and Asha with their great attitudes someday, but right now it seems so far, far away to be able to get to that point. Good luck to you.

 

Dena

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ty dena... for your words of encouragement.i think its what i need... people who understand instead of getting oh come on hurry up.and i will talk with my doc a.s.a.p and see what he can do. good luck to you to hun.

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Hi rose, ((((((big hug))))))

A major change in life's "game plan" is never easy, an unexpected one is even worse. It seems to me that this is still very new to you, and my best guess is that you're still grieving the loss of the way you were before the stroke. Having had the stroke stinks - bigtime; the changes alone it brings are huge!!

All the advice you've been given is great. A med change can make a big difference, and sometimes it takes a while to find the right one.

You are certainly not alone; I can't do crowds either, and aside from that - one of my things that family and friends, (And me) have had to get used to are my inappropriate reactions to things. (I'll laugh when I shouldn't - that kind of thing)

So try not to be so hard on yourself,; we're here when you need us.

 

Susan :console:

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Ty susan,

it's really good to know i'm not alone.i can explain and explain what i feel to someone and unless they have been through it. no matter how hard i try. and they try they just can't quite understand.The best way i can say it. is like i'm trapped in a broken body screaming to get out and no one can hear me..it's been 2 yrs and it feels like yesterday. you think i'd be use to it by now. I can walk on my own now and somewhat grasp small things with my hand but with pain afterwards but my toes feel like i have frost bite. and my taste is mostly gone especially with meat. it all still smells rotten. the first year i went from 249lbs. to 135 lbs. which has hinder my recovery because i was so weak. i'm still weak. just not as i was . it's mainly the mood swings. the up's and down's . the extreme aniexty/panic attacks and although i try to pretend to everyone i'm ok on the outside on the inside i'm a mess. the doctor's tell you how to treat the outside, what to expect and what to do, but they tell you nothing about what it does to you mentally.i'm glad i found some people who understand. :)

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I pictured the physical aspects of caring for dan --- that has not been an issue -- i can do that -- bu the emotional -up/down are the problem for us as well..as a caretaker i go where he goes..right into the pit of sadness..hate it here.....yep the "outside " problems are manageable but the "inside" is hard, hard, hard..nancyl

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yes they are. so many times i wanted to give up and still do. but the guilt of being a burden to other's is just to much to bare.My poor husband takes the blunt of it with my crying outburst's over everything that happens.. to even be somewhat normal again would be a blessing. hang in there nancy. and good luck. ... rose

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Rose,

 

There is something we need to consider about "burdens". We all carry them--some of us willingly and gladly, and for those individuals the burden is much lighter and comes with more joy. I'm not going to try to tell you that we are not burdens and I'm not going to buy that myself but I do know and want to share with you that this is a burden that seems much bigger to us than to our loved-ones because to not take on that burden is to be without us. We can't judge the weight of someone else's burden, or if they even view it as a burden worth a second thought.

 

We declde to take on another's burdens when we marry, and then have children and though we feel the weight--at times much heavier than others, it's still a weight we want too bear. We don't want a loved-one suffering stroke but now that it has, we'll carry that burden rather than let it crush them. And it gives them a sense of power when they too are feeling powerless.

 

Sit back and think how you would view your husband or best friend, or even a stranger on the street? Would you judge them with the same harshness with which you're judging yourself? I bet you would take on some of their burden.

 

I used to hate it when someone had to do even the simplest things for me and I would beat myself up over it the rest of the day. Please don't beat yourself up over this anymore, let those who love you pick their own burdens and let yourself up.

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so true hun and if it were my husband {god forbid} i would not hesitate to do all i could for him. he is my rock as well as my children but its hard ecspecially when i fall. that is the hardest for me.hurts my pride mostly. i am the one who usually takes care of everything and its hard not to continue that but since starting this topic yesterday . things already seem a lil lighter on me. because i now know i'm not alone. and there are people who understand me. i can't thank any of you enough for putting me on the right track :).

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Pride... It'll get ya every time. Walking without falling is supposed to be something someone our age do effortlessly so it does hurt our pride but once again we have to be fair to ourselves. We aren't like those people or even our pre-stroke selves.

 

I'm stubborn and have a lot of foolish pride. Not necessarily the good kind of pride so when I fell one day right in front of my home PT and started berating myself for falling, He reminded me that when he came there initially, I was totally wheel chair bound, and though he had only been coming three weeks I was walking more, was succeeding in getting into the kitchen and living room from the sunken dining room. From that perspective he suggested that maybe I should cut myself some slack...Most of those people I was comparing myself to wouldn' fare a bit better than I was.

 

It's really hard and sometimes it still is for me too but try to not focus on what you can't do...yet. and congratulate yourself for what you can do but once couldn't

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One of the hardest things for me to deal with is being a burden on my husband. When I say that to him he insists that he does NOT see it as a burden and says he is happy to do everything he is doing and 10 times more because he still has me here with him. I am sure your husband feels the same way.

 

You didn't mention if you are doing any PT/OT or exercises. I know it is hard when you are depressed to even get out of the bed much less do any exercises but it sounds to me like if you were to do even a little bit and build up each day that it would really help you with your weakness and walking and hand movements. I know you probably already know this and I of all people should be heeding my own advice. If my husband saw what I just told you he would flip out. I have pretty much given up on the exercises that I was doing because I haven't had any improvements since December. He has been hounding me every day, telling me that I will certainly never get any better if I don't do them and has begged, pleaded and bargained to get me to start back doing them to no avail. I have been on a little pity party and it is probably time for me to get out of that kind of thinking. Maybe I will go do some exercises right now..........

 

See, you were able to help me to get on the right track too, so thank you. And by the way, you are definitely not alone here cause there are PLENTY of people who know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. Hang in there and keep us posted on your progress. Dena

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hey Dena & Rose :

 

reading your posts reminds me so much of my own initial days, you all are lucky to see me now when I have gotton up picked up pieces of my life & made beautiful new canvas of my life. I so understands grief you both are going through, I feel we all have that inner strength within us to get through any dark period in our life, with help of meds & loving support & strength of our loved ones. I feel it is better to hang on to your spouse's loving support & strength till you find your footing on ground. My hubby used to say when I used to feel like I will be drowned in this self pity, that keep your head above water & tide will change, & you won't believe I hanged dearly on his words, I am so glad I did, nothings stays forever good times or bad times, nothing lasts forever, when you feel sad just remind yourself this shall pass too & tomorrow is another day.

 

BTW use all the tools available to you like blogging, posting in forum or chatting with other survivors, this are all proven methods & very theruprtic. I know this since I have lived it.

 

Asha

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i been there it's been two years since my stroke, it wasn't until realized this is just a temporary disability each day i get better, can't cry anymore i don't have family just my husband he works and i am home alone all day by myself. it will get better.

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Well Rose,

 

I certainly hope you are really, really ready to listen to a person who has been struggling for 8 years and being a man used to doing everything anytime but now all that came to a halt! I do the things I can with one hand, I use a cane, a scooter and the one thing I love is I can drive and see pretty good! ALL the rest, hey I had a stroke and I'm still alive to be with family and the very few friends I got left!! The real thing is I still got my wife and family members, kids and grand kids too!

 

Crying your eyes out won't help a darn thing so accept this fact: there are many things you used to do but can't do good any more! However you got life and that's free! Only you can confine what you do or where you go or be around! On top of all that you are not the only person who had a stroke so by joining this community group you got other people your age men and women that is facing the same thing as you but over time many of us has learned to overcome what has happened to us!!

 

Try being happy with yourself and what you can do where some others may not be able! A lady friend for years had a stroke and she is blinded enough to carry a white stick but she and her husband comes to church each Sunday and are thankful she is alive and got her husband and kids!

 

Be thankful to God you are still alive and are probably not the worse off as you think you are! So you need a little help to do personal things or you learn a way to do it one handed as you have for the last two years! I smile every day I wake up and see day light because I got meds for pains and doctors to see if I get worse! I'm breathing air and taking my time to live my life as best I can with what I got left from the stroke!!

 

Fred I couldn't say it any better.

 

I am on lexapro and Xanax. I must say I was always upset with not being able to do things. I'm not working nor driving. No clubs and drinking for me. But... I found I love to garden. I don't think about all the things I can't do. I have stents in my neck and one could move and cause another stroke. Why would I want to stop my life for a 'maybe'. I enjoy everyday. You came close to not having another day. Just because you have a stroke doesn't necessarily mean you'll survive it. You did. Life goes on. Everyday with the right attitude you'll be better at things and may say;" Why was I getting so upset?" You'll be surprised how far a positive attitude will change your life. Sit and clear your mind. Thank your higher power for giving you another day. Enjoy the sun. You can do it

positive-attitude.png

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thank you everyone for your advice my first step will be talking with my doc ns seeing if there are different meds i can take as i have a mitro valve prolaspse as well. but then its one day at a time for me. step by step.until pretty soon it wont get to me so bad. i know i wont ever be 100% bk to normal. but maybe i'll get where i can enjoy life again. ty all for all your support and wisdom on this matter. it has already helped me look at things in a different way...:)

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Rose,

We all have the ups and downs that you experience and the bodily reminders that you can't do what you did before and I too cry more easily now than I did before so I know how you feel. I just take it one day at a time and try not to take on more than I can handle. And believe me that's easier said than done; however I always test my limits before deciding that I can't do something And when I get the woe is me syndrome something snaps me back and reminds me of how far I've come and the important people in my life do the same thing. I need a lot of encouragement and I do get it from the few special people in my life and that helps me to keep it moving.

Pam

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thnx pam ,

i do try to remember how far i've come during my recovery. although hard sometimes. it does help reflect every so often. :)and to know your not alone.

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Hi Rose, We all have are ups and downs in are post stroke lives, I learned to control the things I can and not to get upset about things that I can not do. I stroked at 43 left side paralization, can walk without a cain now and I go to a gym workout and take my frustrations out on the bike, and I feel good after. I allso have numbness in my left foot and hand, I talked to my nuro and she gave me some meds that do help. I which you all the best.

Ken

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Hi Rose I've been at this 10 yrs this summer - very little physical improvement : i still walk with cane - due mostly to bad knee, severe arthritis have absolutely no movement in left arm/hand - how do you exercise something you can't use ? I still cannot use a bathroom myself when away from home if it doesn't have correct assist bar & still struggling with incontinence . I know what you mean about frustrating

 

- I have to disagree on one thing our dear FKing said - crying is good for you when you are wound up tightly - a good cry releases feel-good hormones & can act as a cleansing exercise - I agree with Fred that just crying won't help! - when you reach the point of needing a cry have a good,sobbing one - get it out rather than bottled up - like releasing steam from a pressure cooker. then once you've reduced some of the intense emotion - start the next day over doing the best you can -- I am a very emotional person & find I need a good cry when it gets too much. I usually face the next few days much better - then go on until I emotionally/ physically need the meltdown. i n the first few years while grieving& trying to accept , my meltdowns were more frequent .not that I'm any happier about the situation - I've become used to it - there is shock at first -- and seldom have a meltdown. I've had to tell my husband I NEED the cry - nothing he can do use the pressure cooker analogy.

 

Rose the only time line for your acceptance & grieving process is your own - it is a process - it will take as long as you need 2 steps forward & one back.

 

 

it does get easier with time & now that you have found us -- you will get better.

 

I thot I was going nuts & turning into full scale depression constant meltdowns. until I found this place. visit often - you will finf you are not alone as well as learn what you need to know to deal with this monster.

 

Susan from Alberta , Canada

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ty ken and susan... it's getting better every day i haven't had a meltdown in a week my toes are still numb but i fnd my left arm itching more and more so at least i'm begining to feel something in that arm....but i find more pain now in both arm and leg. i still can't write, can't hold a pen yet but i try at least once a day. i've began to drink boost shakes as i still can not eat very much because of the smell. things are looking up. :)

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Rose, it is so good to hear that you are feeling better. Keep on drinking the Boost and maybe putting some weight back on and the nutrition and protein will help you both emotionally and physically. And yes, definitely keep on trying at least once every day, if not more, to try to hold a pen and write. The key is to try to do it over and over again and one day, you will be able to do it and that will give you incentive to try even more. Keep up with the updates, as we all here care and are "cheering you on" in your journey to recover.

 

Dena

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