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Can a stroke survivor also be a caregiver?? I feel I need to try...My Father needs HELP!!He's trying to care for my 79yr old/65lbs Mother mostly by himself. Unfortunatly my Brother & Sister aren't much help. He is starting to think assited living but he really doesn't want to do that....I'm thinking if we all pitch in (my Daughter & Niece too) hopefully he won't have to go there....Any thoughts?

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Yes, yes they can and some of them are members right here! Men and women were survivors and in turn had to care for their loved ones probably not the moment they became survivors but after they recovered somewhat! Do what you feel you can safely as a survivor in trying to care for someone else who is now a survivor!

 

Surely you know your limits physically of what you can do in the case of your mom since she is only 65 pounds! So I say try if you feel you can help to relieve your dad from trying so hard and wanting assisted living when he really don't want to do that!

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Mija: welcome. We have several survivors/caregivers here and I am sure they will be chiming in with suggestions. You need to take stock of yourself, what you can and can not do and it is imperative that you have someone to spell you off and figure in your rest and naps. When you or family is on board, Dad needs to truly nap and maybe a walk, definitely some fresh air and time out.

 

It is certainly doable honey, with some time and scheduling. And there will be suggestions as to how our survivors/caregivers cope and function. You are a dear for thinking of Dad and considering taking this on. We only have our parents for a short time and do so want to keep them safe, warm and happy. We cherish all the time we have with them. Debbie

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Well I spent 1 night @my parent's house(not long enough,need to stay longer) Anyway,made them dinner & helped out a bit. I slept(with one eye open)next to my Mother in her bed & my Dad slept in the other room on a single mattress...I hope he slept better than I did....We were like a tag team,he gave her breakfast & then I layed down with her & we talked till she fell asleep..meanwhile my Dad was able to go for a walk(or shuffle as he calls it)I was able to help out a bit & It made me feel better.But I just keep thinking when no one is there to help it's all up to him,I can see why he gets overwhelmed. Later my Brother stayed with her while my Dad & I went to the store together..They were both sad when I left& I feel like I should have stayed longer but it was nice to rest & sleep in my own bed...Until next time..I hope my Dad can hang in there...

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This last Wednesday my Daughter & I made our usual trip to visit them(we pretty much go every Wed.)we took some food & ate together. Then we washed my Mother's hair..My Daughter who is a Hairstylist, then cut & styled it & did her nails. It was a good visit!! Although when I spoke with her the next day she didn't remember...made me very sad...Would like to give her a bed bath or with help maybe a regular bath..we'll see Until next time, wish me luck

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They have these tubs that hubby used on me in the hospital. They enable you to have someone wash your hair in bed. I think I remember that he got it on amazon. It made a world of difference to me to have clean hair every day.

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Thank you Kendra,found an inflatable bed shampoo kit @a med supply store here, but haven't needed it yet...Fortunately she wants & can still get up & around a bit. I visited last Tuesday(on my B-Day)it was nice, just took some food over,new(smaller) night gowns,robes, underwear etc.. & visited..The next day went over again with my Daughter,she was able to bath her & wash her hair in tub(I helped a little,but needed her body & balance)If I give her a bath & wash her hair alone,it will have to be in bed...I need to get over there again soon to do some laundry,but she lives across town,so it's a bit of a struggle for me to get there..wish me luck!!

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Littlemija,

 

I can only imagine how you feel about mom but it's great to know you and your daughter can and is helping all you can, after all she's your mother and always will be!! When we do all or what we can for a parent to me it's honoring them to which our days on earth will be lengthened from what I read in my bible!

 

I'm so glad you didn't report that she was suffering except for her weight and that is not something from her suffering!! I'm losing weight myself for reason(s) unknown so far my doctor told me this morning!! He says to me, "eat more" so I have a taste for baby back ribs right now!!

 

BTW, can you get your mom to eat much whenever you visit her??

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Sure you can if you feel you have recovered enough to be able to care of someone else. And the big plus is that you will be very patient and understanding because you will know exactly what your mom is going through. After all that's what we do here on this site in a way. We are caregivers to each other in a unique way.

 

Pam

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Fred, she eats pretty well when I visit & she likes sweets(pastries,ice cream,cookies,not candy)She seems to really enjoy our visits & I think she really enjoyed bath. Makes me feel good to be able to bring her some JOY :) (Even if she has trouble remembering it) I hope to visit again today,I usually always try to take my Parent's something to eat when I do...

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  • 1 month later...

Well she was able to move around in her house & spend the Holidays with the family,but now she is pretty much bedridden. I set up Hospice for them yesterday..hope it works out,probably going back over there Sunday/tomorrow. Situation really sad now..

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Hi littlemija. I find myself in the same predicament as you are. I live a half hour away from my parents. I try to do the best I can. I make it a point of going there once a week, more if I can. My sister lives closer and has just retired so even if I am the older one, she has taken on the duties of what would normally fall on the oldest in a family. It hurts that I cant do more but we do what we can and thank God they have my sister. Thats our story. In answer to your question, yes its possible but you do what you can. Thats all anyone can expect of us.

 

 

mc

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MC, It hurts me too that I can not do more & I feel guilty at times too. I am the youngest & 30min away but my older sister is more like an hr. away from them. She has been alot of help though & suprisingly my Daughter too..My niece even prepared most of the Thanksgiving feast. Everybody is doing what they can to help, but I still feel sorry for my Dad,because unlike me who's home not dealing with it today he is... (This is where I hope Hospice can help)

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littlemija I really feel bad for my Dad too. Mom spoiled him for 60 years, he never had to do anything in the house (cleaning, cooking shopping etc.) Now he has to do everything, He is so lost, the poor man is at the end of his rope. We just got good news though. My sister is selling her condo and buying a bigger place to accomodate our Mom and Dad. That was such good news. It took a big weight off my shoulders. My sister is just what my Mom needs too. She will make her do things like exercise, my father could not do. Good luck with your family situation. Hope, hospice will help. All the best to you and your family.

 

 

mc

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littlemija, my prayers are with you and the family. I understand what you are going through. I am the older of three sisters, my Mom and Dad are in England, my Mom is younger then my Dad, but he looks after himself, my Mom not so much. My younger sister, has sold her flate,and is living with than, I feel so bad, yet I can not do much since my stroke, but want to be there. My sisters understand, and Iam sure yours do as well.

 

God bless

 

Yvonne

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I looked after my husband Ray and when he came home from 41/2 months in hospital in 1999 after major strokes I had to move my Mum and Dad in with us. It was hard to fit us all into a small house, but my Dad who had cancer could no longer cope with my Mum who had Alzheimers. It was a tough call. I have a sister who didn't contact or come near so if you have additional family members who will weigh in with some help I know it will be better than my situation was.

 

I don't know how it would have gone if I hadn't been able to help, Dad died for months later and Mum stayed with me for two more years before going into full time care. You know there will come a day when that is the other option unfortunately. Dad had coped wtih Mum's growing confusion, inability to help with normal tasks etc and her growing aggression for as long as he could. And I also coped with Mum's runaway habit, complete denial of Dad's death, aggression etc as long as I could. I hated putting her into care but in the end I was so rundown I couldn't properly look after either of them.

 

We revere our parents and want to help as much as we can so I guess you do as much as you can as a family and when all that fails you go onto some harder options. Hopefully that is not an opton you will have to decide soon and you will have others to help you with it.

 

Sue.

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Sat. Was my Dad's 84th B-Day, I spent the night there..got there Fri.1ishPM/left 6ishPM Sat. Glad to be home don't know how he does it. Fortunately able to help out quite a bit, glad I could,but hate to see my Mother the way she is now(failing in both body & mind) Very Sad...

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It is very heartbreaking that we have to watch our loved ones deteriorate in this way but you have done the best you can do for her and she knows this. Rest easy in knowing this and be at peace with yourself. Being a caregiver in its self is hard enough but to be a surviving caregiver is top of the all time "Angels on earth" list in my book! Praying for you and your family!!

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I talked to my sister today & she was pretty upset, it's hard to see my Mother that way...I understand...but I guess it's something we just have to deal with . I'm going there tomorrow.

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I applaud everything you're doing but two people in need of help are no use to another. I was helping my husbands grandmother in her bathing and it was exhausting. I understand that is a parent and I would do much of the same but also remember, you are having a tough time too. ( Not sure you are but in my case)

Hopefully hospice or Medicare will be able to help you and you're family

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