I would like to know what a caregiver that's being abused by the person they are caring for can do. Here is what I live with on a daily basis, and nobody is willing to even try to help me. The only exception is the Dept of Rehab Services office here. Kevin refused all of their services, including respite, so they can't help me. We fall into the, "you're to young for our program" catagory. He's 41 and I'm 37. We were living in the UK, but had to return to the US since it would be at least 5 years before we would be able to get a council place.
I'm needing help with my husband Kevin. Below, you will find a description of his medical problems, and also his behavioral problems. I have been his sole caregiver since his stroke, with no break. I'm worn out, and can't take care of him anymore. He needs to be in a care facility, but he won't go willingly. Please note, that the negative behavior is only shown when it's just us, or if he's around his brothers and mother. They live in the UK. They can't stand to have him around because of the way he acts.
Kevin had a stroke at the age of 38, on 4 July 01. He's now blind, almost deaf, has seizures, has severe short term memory problems, gets confused very easily, severe mood swings, diabetic, and needs 24/7 care. I believe he may have vascular dementia as a result of his stroke. He's also selfish, self-centered, and cares only about himself and about getting his own way all the time. When someone says something he doesn't like, or something happens he doesn't like, he'll go off. When he does, he's physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. He constantly makes things up, and says or yells them as if they are facts. If I try to correct him, he goes off. He knows everything, and nobody else knows anything. He won't leave me alone, unless he's asleep. He doesn't how or when to just shut up. He's constantly running people and places down. He says how great things are in Europe. He did the same thing when we were in the UK, except then it was how great things are in the US. He doesn't care that my blood pressure spikes when he starts up and won't stop. He acts like he has to be talking about something, and he doesn't care what, all the time. I can't eat a relaxed meal, and I haven't had a full night sleep since his stroke. He refuses to go into respite care or to a day center, unless I go with him. He wants only me to take care of him, but I'm about at the end of my rope. I'm also disabled. I have MS and am Bipolar. I haven't had a break since his stroke, and I don't know how much longer I can keep going before I snap. Counseling won't do any good. He can't remember what he's told, and I can't talk freely in front of him anyway. I was in counseling, but he has made it plain that he won't sit and wait on me. Neither of us have family in the area. The other night, my blood pressure reading at 9:45pm was 161/100. I had a pounding headache and my vision was badly blurred, but I'm not allowed to go to the hospital to get it taken care of. Because he hates hospitals, I can't go near one. I have to try to relax, and get my BP down that way. He finally shut up after about 2 hours of ranting that night.