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Jerry to surgery


AZ Leah

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Tomorrow Jerry goes to the hospital (out-patient) to have the lump removed from his upper back. Then they can do a complete biopsy to see if it is malignent. He has to be there at noon and surgery isn't till 3:30 (and of course no food after midnight tonight - rather tricky for a diabetic). I've been anxious and finally figured it is because I really am completely powerless - over Jerry, his diagnosis, me and what I can and can't do making me a less than desirable caregiver. Along with that comes some guilt which I can dismiss rather rapidly because the rational part of my brain matter knows I would if I could but it is what it is and I can't. I have been trying to help a little more around the house, thus making me more fatigued but the afternoon naps give me a second wind. A lot of people were concerned when they heard I wanted to drive Jerry to the hospital and bring him home when he was dischared. I had a CT yesterday of my lungs (requested by my new pulmonologist) and was exhausted and shakey when I got home. One of our friends offered to pick him up, take him to the hospital and bring him home when he is ready. I'm not even going to go; I have given him to God. What better hands could he be in.

 

Jerry also had a PET scan yesterday but we won't know the results until our appt with the oncologist next Monday. So another almost week of waiting. I know prayers help and miracles can happen so I pray my earthly angel and caregiver will still be here to help me. I have to admit I am scared but living in the NOW is a habit I have learned that is helping my emotions tremendously. I will keep you posted.

 

PS I'm taking care of myself and had my friend over Sunday to give me a manicure and take a load of wash from me. I've scheduled a work-out for me for Friday and have dinners all planned for the few days Jerry should be out of commission.

 

I have tomorrow "off" so will try to make chat. I know it will do me good. Hugs from Leah

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Wow, Leah, I am having a grumbly day and you have so much more to bear than I do so I feel ashamed of myself. If I could I would be one of those people bringing you a dinner and stopping by for coffee so we could laugh and cry together, the way we both need to do, thinking about the men we love so much.

 

I am praying for a miracle for you just as I am sure you do for me.

 

(((hugs))) from Sue.

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Leah:

 

you & Jerry will be in my thoughts & prayers for successful surgery & better outcome. I am glad you have great friends support during your trying times, though I think you should visit Jerry in hospital since it will give him ton of comfort knowing he is not alone in his fight. as you should also know along with God we all are there for you mentally praying for your strength. when you feel weak just remember & remind yourself"only change is permanant" & things will turn around for better.

 

 

hugs,

Asha

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Thank you Sue and Asha. Whatever we are going through is bad for us and we cannot compare how others feel. Sue, you are bearing so much so don't feel I am feeling worse. We feel what we feel and God loves each one of us equally.

Love, Leah

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Leah, you and Jerry are in my prayers tonight. The manicures are divine! I started having them every 3-4 weeks as soon as I was able to leave Sam. For at least an hour you are relaxed and pampered. Wishing you both speedy recoveries, I leave you with {{hugs}} Kathy

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Leah: I know your stomach is in knots. But I am in awe of your and the decisions you are being forced to make. I am so happy you decided to let someone take Jerry. You rest up best you can and please give that good friend a kiss for me. You are all over this. Please do let us know. Debbie

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I do know about all the knots in the stomach. Bill is now just starting what will be his last chemotherapy option I swore I could never go from being the cared for to the caregiver and slowly but surely that is what I have done. Out of necessity there was no one else to do it and it had to be done Now at last the home nurse comes to check on him every week now that he has this pump installed But again who would have dreamed that my beloved darling Bill could have survived his devastating cancer that alone survived it since Last October. I am beyond exhausted and worn the doctor said my keee has to be replaced its bone on bone from trying to be on a cane too much. If at any time this chemo drives his blood cell count over the top we are done and a home hospice care plan will be developed The cost of this is over Ten thousand per session ever other week. This is already considered experimental as it is out of Europe and not Authorized by the FDA for here. He uterly failed at the Gemcetabine and Folfow is the ony other thing out there. We wont be blessed with remissiong but perhaps a bit of extra time and knowing that the statistics may benefit others down the road I believe I shared that it is all experimental You are in my prayers If ever there was a formidale foe it was Stroke and now I HAte Cancer of any kind In the midst of this we have had a friend kill herself with drama played out on the news as Swat was called in How can Life be of such value to one and be nothing to another I was going to update the forum on Bill Maybe Sue or one of others could Use this Blog in some way I have little strengh to try to repeat I will keep Jerry in our Prayers Do let me know the results and Leah remeber you can only do what you can Sainthood is not all its cracked up to be Hugs Karen

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