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overwhelmed...sad


socialwork555

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Well, like I usually do, I am writing because I'm depressed. My mom went on vacation and so I've been here alone for this week. The past week I saw friends and relatives, and told them about my doctor saying I will have no functional movement from the hand. I just started the e-stim last week, and I am going to get it for home. This is very good. After my PT shows me how to use it I will say goodbye to her. I've also had my last official OT session with Kristin, and that's sad. She's going to get the Seoboflex dealer out to try it on me, do a demonstration for the staff, and if it feels like it works then I'm going to get OT with someone trained in using it. I have 10 cigna sessions left. I've almost used 60.

 

As you can guess, all these changes are scary. Then my doctor suggested I see a regular therapist to work on my self esteem as I am looking for part-time work. Additionally, my doc ordered an MRI, some labs, and extended my coumadin from 6 mo to a year which is a huge bummer. She's just being safe, but I was really looking forward to not getting coumadin anymore. It's overwhelming.

 

The nice thing about my mom being gone is that I gave myself a whole day to lay in bed and cry a ton. You don't really want to do that with someone around, you know? I feel I've lost a big part of me; I know it's just a hand, and it doesn't work, but to me it's huge. It makes me less than others, and it feels crappy. I am still me, in personality, and that's what I am reminded of, but I'm afraid an employer, or romantic interest won't see past my hand. And my limitations with walking too---I can't walk that far yet.

 

I'm so sick of being a patient! I can't stand it anymore.

 

And I'm sick of feeling scared. Scared of the world. Of going into the grocery store. Of going to the bank. I never used to be like that.

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Christian, I know from listening to my hubby the things you must be going through. However, if I remember, you are just several months post-stroke and they are the hardest. Sam doesn't have full use of his left hand, although if objects are large enough he can grasp them - he was never very graceful LOL.

 

Please give yourself plenty of time to heal and indulge yourself with kind thoughts and prayers. Stamina and endurance comes with time and hard work. Sam has quit talking about his stroke, but I know he feels less of a man with less of his left hand, and he is a rightie! Why we are so fixated by our own physical limitations is beyond me. Our self-worth is not based on whether that hand is fully functional or that leg is immovable.

 

I will keep you in my prayers and wish you continued improvements.Clap-Hands.gif

 

Kathy

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Christian: I think I agree with your Doctor in getting some therapy to help you adjust. If you are not on an antidepressant, please consider one and along with that some professional help.

 

Unfortunately you are going to have to find some peace of mind and acceptance of the the fact that nothing in stroke is fast, you are not going to wake up one morning and be healed and you must work on developing patience. I understand what you are feeling. I am not a patient person. What is the issue, here is the solution and move on. Unfortunately with stroke, I am learning that it takes many steps and much time towards any goal that is set.

 

Spending days crying in bed and trying to project situations that have not presented themselves yet, is not the way to go. Now that your therapy is coming to an end, you should be working on your home program, figuring out your strongest times of day so you can do your most strenuous workout then and then do some arm-hand time later in the day, when you are more fatigued. Figure out your walking pattern so you will be able to increase your distance safely. Once you set a routine for yourself, you will feel more in control and begin to accept that this is a grueling journey, one that moves at a snails pace. I also suggest you start a journal, now that it will be up to you to control your recovery so that you can see your progress. Best, Debbie

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Christian

Hey there, you are not alone..........As my PT was coming to a close and all the efforts had been directed toward making this wounded walrus walk. my PT advised me that the hand would not regain any function!!!!!!!!!!! WOWas I depressed and mad at my stroke UGH

I thought that during PT we were spending a lot of time on the leg and none comparably of the arm and hand

Well all of a sudden the PT was over and I was released and then the inurance went through the roof

Worry not Christian, I thought one morning about if acupuncture was worth a try and I arrived at the first appointment with a flacid right hand and arm. In about 12 visits and working with a stress ball, I can pick up the peanutbutter jar and hold it and using my effected arm open the refrigator door.

Pulling my glasses off my face with bad hand/arm was a hurdle but that has been accomplished so far. and holding my toothbrush to accept toothpaste.

 

The point of this discertation is that they don't always know and through a lot of hard work and time I can do a host of things that the PT said I wouldn't be able to and I feel a bit more comfortable each day

Hang in there and commit to a bit of work on your part and I imagine the results will follow, as mine have................

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Christian

Hey there, you are not alone..........As my PT was coming to a close and all the efforts had been directed toward making this wounded walrus walk. my PT advised me that the hand would not regain any function!!!!!!!!!!! WOWas I depressed and mad at my stroke UGH

I thought that during PT we were spending a lot of time on the leg and none comparably of the arm and hand

Well all of a sudden the PT was over and I was released and then the inurance went through the roof

Worry not Christian, I thought one morning about if acupuncture was worth a try and I arrived at the first appointment with a flacid right hand and arm. In about 12 visits and working with a stress ball, I can pick up the peanutbutter jar and hold it and using my effected arm open the refrigator door.

Pulling my glasses off my face with bad hand/arm was a hurdle but that has been accomplished so far. and holding my toothbrush to accept toothpaste.

 

The point of this discertation is that they don't always know and through a lot of hard work and time I can do a host of things that the PT said I wouldn't be able to and I feel a bit more comfortable each day

Hang in there and commit to a bit of work on your part and I imagine the results will follow, as mine have................

 

So when did you start the accupuncture? I have very high tone, and that is the biggest reason I cant use my hand. Plus i don't have any wrist strength. Were these your problems too?

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Good day Christian

 

I started the acupuncture in September about 11 months post stroke. I was told that it should have starated immediately after stroke , but I did not have a clue.

The degree of tone is relative, as sometimes it was near debilitating and other times more than manageable.

As to wrist strength, I was totally flaccid on the right side and we started just working on fingers with the acupuncture. I, like many other people was doubtful about all those needles, but with in 36 hours of the first treatment, my voice changed.

My wife noticed it and said, " you are not whining like our neighbor"!!!! I had noticed and was afraid to mention it .....

The best thing that I can advise you is to take nano steps in your recovery and they will add up to big gains.

Moving the effected hand with the good hand repeatedly and using your brain to think through movements helps.

I had gone to three sessions of acupuncture and she asked how I was feeling. I told her the previous evening when trying to go to sleep I had envisioned my effected arm moving on the pillow to be more comfortable, and I moved it about 1/8 of an inch!!!!!!!

Oh what an accomplishment, I thought I had baled two wagons of hay by myself.

I now can also open the refrig door with it even though it is not as quick as the good arm.

Repetition and comitment are the key, and you have to start somewhere.

Keep me posted at sunfall @ bright.net, even if the movement is 1/16 of an inch, from 0 to 1 is a l00% increase, so hang in there and push forward

John

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I tell myself I can deal with what I got today and really work on what it is that is stopping me from getting better. Like going to the bank drive-thru, I open my door reach my right hand out get the canister or tube, open it put in my money, check or what ever I got and send it inside.

 

Sometimes the drive up window is closed but when I use it I got a short reacher, put my paper money or check in it in the car then stick it in the open window box. Usually they have a heavy block in the drawer to hold down the paper items. That works great for me. I got frustrated one day cause I had one usable hand so I thought of this system to use. Now I go to the bank smiling!

 

Don't be sad sit and figure out a system that will work for you. Who knows you may come up with something you can get a patten on, don't stop thinking while you get better with each passing day! :big_grin:

Fred!

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Hi Christine: Sorry you are going through a rough patch. But there is hope. I'm on e-stim for walking, and it's great! Are you getting e-stim for the hand or for walking? My hand doesn't work either, but I'm learning to become independent anyway. Go on the website recoverfromstroke.blogspot.com and read about Cathy Spencer working with her hand using e-stim--amazing! The doctor told me not expect any improvement after 2 years. But I'm 2 months away from my 2nd anniversary and still going strong! You'll do it, Christine. All the best, Henry

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